Chess Groupies and stalkers

Just got back from my holidays Ambassadoring the chess in Mauritius.  Thank you Welsh tax-payers.  Tidy.

Anyway.

After Dai "the sheep" I must have the second largest Harem in Llantrissant and they're not all called BaaaBaaara. 

As a legend of the squared board I have always considered groupies one of the perks of the job (some of my recent ones are not even psychiactric escapees any more nor do they all have personal hygiene issues).  But recently I am starting to think that my huge female fan base is more a liability than a benefit.  Ever since it hit double figures I have been having serious problems keeping them all satisfied.

They are never all happy.  Some want to change my pre-game haka; others want to change my tournament lycra one-piece (comfort and free range of movement combined with ultra absorbent towelling gusset - I mean some of the pretty little things have never even played chess they have no idea of the high performance clothing requirements at the elite level); some want to change my opening "you always do the same thing - well sometimes a girl wants a surprise..." - girls please! I know what the crowds want and I always get a ripple of applause from my first few moves - I've always liked a warm hand on my opening.

I’ve had enough: the stove-pipe hats, the signed support hose in the post, the constant firkyfoodling – it’s more than a Chess champion and ambassador of Welsh chess can tolerate.

How do you guys out there deal with your groupies without alienating their simple female sensibilities?

Any chess groupies out there who are just interested in no strings attached fandom?  Nags, obese, ginger, Americans or English need not apply.  Own car an advantage.

It was worth mining this post just for this deeply buried gem.

Precious.

Afaf

How do you keep them all happy? 

One of my groupies sent me her kidney "I give you the gift of life - in case you are ever in direst need."

I wasn't so I had it devilled with onions.  Delicious.

Imagine my surprise when she wrote wanting it back: "...Acute nephritic syndrome blah blah blah...."

There is a dialysis machine at the Macynllyth General hospital - this isn't the middle ages you know.

 This one was never on at the Pontypridd Picture Palace.

I have just spent the last half hour reading all your posts and they have cheered me right up, hilarious!

What does firkyfoodling mean?

It's a confection that my mom makes during the holidays to send to friends and family as gifts.

Perhaps more firkyfoodles for Beast's groupies would edge the needles of their satis-fied-o-meters away from the E and toward the F.

It's a derivation from the olde Englyshe firkytoodling meaning to share a cave but not a bear skin with a partner.

"I've always liked a warm hand on my opening."

I love you beast!

Beastie.  Someone reported me for using the word "succubus" on your thread~!  Was it you?!

That's at least the second time today you repeated the word that got you in trouble. Is that really smart?

matt.  there's nothing wrong with that word.  Maybe you'd get the point by now.

I know that. I'm just saying why repeat it if you got reported because of it. Catching my drift?

yeah...you're telling me to be careful of the thought police.  

Some people don't take advice graciously.....

and i thought only canadians were funny.  grand stuffs

Absolutely not.  I believe in free speech in other languages as well as Welsh.  In my English A level I wrote a characterisation for a hard-drinking Croatian Yorgi, of my invention, it started:

"Yorgi had lived for many years in Split.  "Beaver" was his favourite drinking game....."

I got an A and a letter from the examiner asking me to explain the rules of "Beaver" as he thought he "had played all known drinking games and have never heard of this one."

It's all in the context I suppose.

Succubus is pretty inoffensive though - I mean how can one get their knickers in a twist about succubus.  Is incubus better?  Is it because it sounds a bit like suck?  Which quite frankly is a filthy word if you are a ill-educated, humour bypassed, puritanical, and probably American admin. 

I mean are succubi any worse than the Sirens from Homer's Odyssey.

Oops I've done it now.  Homer that sounds a bit like Homo.  Lockdown.  Lockdown.

The word itself isn't important!!! The fact that you're repeating actions that got you in trouble is!

((((Beastie))))) xoxox

Gonnosuke.  You might be forced to use the less colorful term "ex-girlfriend" - but now we know your type.  ;)