Chess Headlines We'd Like To See...

Following the Chinese initiative to attract footballers to their national league and pay them a couple of hundred K a week, their attention has now turned to chess and the 'strong club player category'. A spokesman said 'We can't match football's wages but most people would be happy with £5000 a week'

The Polgar sisters today announced how they had a strong physical attraction to wannabe GMs on the popular chess website Chess.com. One of them said: "I like an ambitious man and am prepared to take the right candidate and show him some moves"

Magnus Carlsen had stunned the Chess world by his revelation that he scans chess forums for new opening ideas from sub 1200 players. He said 'I have discovered priceless jewels there.'

From what i have heard through the grapevine.  Magnus is working on a highly agressively tactical opening he learned from the sub 1200' here.  

Magnus Carlsen is banned from all future World Rapid & Blitz Championships for unsportsmanlike conduct during the 2017 Championship award ceremony.

Ok, I wouldn't actually like to see this one, but it would be funny if it happened.

Queen knights bishop.

"Paul Morphy raised from dead and confirmed to play at 2000/2100/2200/2300/2400/2500/2600/2700/2800/2900 strength"

"New Opening line found busting Sicilian. No one has to see a Sicilian ever again."

"Magnus Carlsen says 'push all your pawns."

Also I laughed really hard that you didn't even say which Polgar sister said your quote.