Chess Jokes

Ok. If you have read my blogs you know I am into folklore. Well, jokes are part of folklore so are riddles, chess problems and many more things but in this topic I thought it would be fun to see what jokes this community knows. I will get it started and hope to see some really good one.

----starting off------

Two friends meet on the street and one of them says:
- My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the chess match, she will take my children and she will leave me.
The other friend asks to him:
- And what you will do?
-Friend one responds “e4, as always”

lol.  that's good.  You should post one day.  I'll track.

That is a good one. I had heard a variation on it but this one is better.

Here is another one dealing with J'adoube.

I came across this supposedly true story about Jacques Mieses, who was technically Britains first GM after moving to England.

Mieses was walking down the street one day when he was accidentaly bumped into by a passer by. They both flinched and looked at each other. Recognising Mieses (? I wouldn't have), the other fella smiles and says 'J'adoube'. To which Mieses replied sternly 'It wasn't even your move'.

Here is the other variation I mentioned.

Two chess players are playing a correspondence game. White lives at the South Pole. Black lives at the North Pole. The postal service is rather slow and play proceeds at the rate of one move per year. After 15 years of play, white makes a daring queen sacrifice, the consequences of which are by no means clear. A year later, as he sees the postman returning, he is very excited. He thinks "Will black take my queen ?", "Is the sacrifice sound ?". He tears open the reply and sees "Jadoube".

That is what happens in Folklore. It is an oral tradition and is modified as it is passed along. Now with the Internet it changes even faster. It is great and thank you for sharing.

j'adoube means adjust for those of you who dont understand.

how do you pronounce that word???

\zhä-düb\

here's a chess joke:  

What do poor players do to give up material?

(poor being in both senses of the word)

They pawn something!

SURVEY SAYS...

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Alekhine really enjoyed playing Bogolyubov. Besides being a great world champion, he was also quite a humorous storyteller. When asked for an impromptu speech, he told this little story. “Last night I had a dream that I died and was off to heaven. As I neared the portals, St. Peter, asking my name, hailed me. I am Alekhine, World Chess Champion. St. Peter said he was sorry but there was no room in heaven for chessplayers. My spirit was dejected. Before leaving the pearly gate, I took one last look and espied none other than my good friend Bogolyubov. Quickly I drew this to St. Peter’s attention telling him that Bogolyubov was a chessplayer. St. Peter sadly shook his head, smiled and said: “He only thinks he is a chessplayer!”

     thanks for posting that one goldendog

Thanks. Phelan. When you play touch move you should say this before adjusting.

j’adoube

j'a·doube

interjection

Definitions:

chess player's warning: an expression used by a chess player who is about to adjust a piece on the board, to ensure that this will not be counted as an official move

More Info

Going with that theme.

Two players play an evening game without a clock. The player with white tries to move promptly, but the other takes advantage of his (or her, if you are on the Berkeley Board of Education) unlimited time.

The prompt player fiddles around, gets up and stomps about. At one point late into the evening he stomps so hard that he bites his tongue. He sits down, and they continue to play very slowly through the night.

Finally he falls asleep, and when he wakes up, the other player is prodding him with a finger. "cxb3. It's your move."

He raises his head up off the table and takes a quick glance at the board, now illuminated by sunlight coming through a window.  He exclaims angrily:

"It's passed pawn!!"

About "j'adoube", for those of you who might be interested, this is a french expression referring to the moment where the king names a knight by touching his shoulders with a sword. I suppose there's a translation for this in english (not the chess translation I adjust...), but my english isn't that good. By the way, the expression "En passant" comes from french too, it means "passing"  or "passing by".

LOL Keyif nice one

    that one is good

Here is the daily one. I have heard about 2 variations on this one. I welcome an others that you may have heard.

ChessNuts Var I

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

ChessNuts Var II

During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several
chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, "I could beat Karpov with no
problem". "Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time." "That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the
hotel.

But why?" a bystander asked.
"Because," the manager replied "I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"

Well, J'adoube, out of chess context, does not mean I adjust. But of course in chess it is used to replace a piece in french too.