So there I was sitting eating lunch with The Magician from riga himself, Mikhail Tal, and there was a table cloth, checkered. When I asked for the salt he instead left it en price to the pepper, the Katsup, Mustard, and even the side of Onion Rings I had ordered. He then explaned that there was a garunteed mate in 5 for him (not on me of course)
Chess Jokes!!!
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Nov 16, 2013
0
#163
Question: Which phase of the game is most terrifying for chess players?
Answer: The postmortem. (=literally after death).
Nov 16, 2013
0
#164
Lol jet and loek.
.
So there I wass, eating lunch with Magnus Carlsen. He ordered a Benoni Saemisch on Ruy, with a Tal Caissa Falkbeer.
varelse1 wrote:
Lol jet and loek.
.
So there I wass, eating lunch with Magnus Carlsen. He ordered a Benoni Saemisch on Ruy, with a Tal Caissa Falkbeer.
Bonus points for not using Fried Liver in that joke 
Nov 16, 2013
0
#166
So there I was having lunch woth Viswanathan Anand. Didn't go very well though. We were in India, and all his fans kept interrupting us, asking Vishy for his autograph.
I swear, you'd think these Indian folks INVENTED chess, or something!
Nov 16, 2013
0
#167
Plus One Varelse.
So Many Years in the Future, Kasparov Dies and goes to heaven and he meets a sentient Deep Blue. Kaspy asks The machine if he had had any help, and deep blue looks to Tal and asks "What should I say?"
Nov 17, 2013
0
#168
Question: what is the real difference between Karpov and Kasparov?
Answer: as.
Explanation:
The difference in letters between their surnames are those two letters. But it goes deeper. Kasparov was most of all a very tactical player before he played so many games against Karpov. After those games had Kasparov learned to play positionally.
After the matches with Kasparov, was Kasparov not only playing as himself, but also playing as Karpov. :-)
LoekBergman wrote:
Question: Which phase of the game is most terrifying for chess players?
Answer: The postmortem. (=literally after death).
That explains why chess players don't become superstars. They're afraid of superstardom, which is "close to postmortem."
Nov 19, 2013
0
#170
I'd play a symetrical defence against you, but then we'd BOTH be wrong!
varelse1 wrote:
So there I was, eating lunch with Garry Kasparov. Bad part was, we had a checkered tablecloth. When I asked him to pass the salt, he did so promptly. But then I had sit there, and spend the rest of the meal lustening to him, while he poured through reams of subvariations demonstrating why HIS method of passing the salt was more effective than any previously known.
lol
AngeloPardi wrote:
"So I was having dinner with Aron Nimzowitsch. Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and he didn't passed the salt because "The passed Salt is a criminal, who should be kept under lock and key. Mild measures such as police surveillance are not sufficient."
this one is also funny
fabelhaft wrote:
Time to reinvent some of these funnies:
"So I was having dinner with Bobby Fischer. Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and he had a list of 99 demands for the waiter to be allowed to even put the salt on the table!"
lmao good one
Nov 26, 2013
0
#174
So there I was, eating lunch with Magnus Carlsen. But his order sort of confused me.
Why would he ask for the All You Can Eat fish & chips? We already know Magnus doesn't have seconds!
I was having lunch with Carlsen and we whiled away the time between courses with a friendly game on the checkered tablecloth using the condiment set as pieces. When we were twenty moves in Magnus smiled at me and said "You've lost a tempo". I stopped the game then and there and got the waiters to search the place, but never a sign of that tempo did I ever see again. 
Dec 10, 2013
0
#178
So there I was, working in the mines, with that Queen's Gambit player. He was so crazy. That guy liked blowing things open, with c4!
Dec 18, 2013
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#179
Q: What do French Defence players, and Catholic altarboys have in common?
A: They are both saddled with Bad Bishops!!
@Calin
If you feel you can do chess jokes better, if you really feel you have the comedic touch, I'd live to see you try!