Chess players are so closed minded

Obviously chess is racist since white goes first.

But it is not just racist, it is also sexist. See, the poor queen has to do most of the work while the king just stays idle most of the time. And when the king is gone, the game is done. 

It is elitist and capitalist. See the poor pawns who are being sacrificed by the bourgeoisie pieces. Down with you rich bastards! 

It is evangelist and theist. I mean, what is a bishop doing in my board?

It is Manicheaist - believing that everything is black and white, while life is an infinite shade of gray.

It is deterministic - leaving no room for chance or luck.

It is imperialist and not pacifist. See you are warmongering and killing armies. You bloodthirsty people. It is probably even atavist and extremist.

It is anachronist - fighting with cavalry, siege weapons and elephants. Are we living in medieval India, China or Persia? Get on the machine guns, helicopters and missiles, guys. I would seriously love a nuclear weapon - once one side gets there, game over ;-)

It is also squarist. I mean, why is it all squares? Why not circles or triangles, for Pete's sake?