Bear in mind that I've never played chess in the US system so I'm going on the basis of UK tournament terminology. The best thing to do is email the organiser for information at the email address given. That said here are my guesses.
1) The tournament is closed: that is it is open only to residents of Virginia etc cf the sixth sentence.
2) The tournament is a "Heritage event": I suspect this is just flavour text, but it is possible that it means something in the US.
3) Which section to enter: There appear to be two sections: Open and Amateur (U1800) (cf 9th sentence). In the UK an ungraded player would typically be allowed to register in either section, the US may differ, but prizes are lower in the Amateur which is what I'd expect from the UK system. I would recommend you enter the Amateur section unless the organiser says you can't.
4) Equipment: In the UK equipment would be provided ... I get the impression that this is not the case in the US. Best to ask the organiser.
5) Does anything about this suggest it might not be a good idea to enter: Well personally I think the lack of useful information is something of a warning ... I'd expect there to be a website with all the info you need linked prominently. But this could just be a cultural difference.
6) Extra queens: See point 4). There is usually no problem (in the UK) with inverting an exchanged rook to represent a queen or even using two pawns. In the exceptional case where there is insufficient exchanged material to represent a queen I would just have asked the players next to me if they could spare a piece but again this may well be different in the US.
7) Weeping after being crushed by a third grader: I wouldn't do it in public ... .
Well, I've taken the plunge and have registered with USCF and am preparing to enter my first tournament - and have my first rated game for that matter. I'm having a hard time understanding all the tourney related lingo. For example, here's one that I'm thinking of entering:
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A Heritage Event!
Sept. 3-5 75th Annual Virginia Closed State Championship
A State Championship Event! 6-SS, 30/90, SD/1. Hilton Garden Inn Richmond-Innsbrook, 4050 Cox Rd., Glen Allen, VA (804) 521-2900. Conveniently located off I-295. Ask for chess rate and mention the tournament. Reserve before 8/12 for $89 chess rate http://hiltongardeninn.hilton.com. Open to VA residents, military stationed in VA, and students attending any VA school, College or University (must show valid ID or other proof of Fall 2011 VA school enrollment). Annual VCF Business Meeting Sat Sep 3 from 10am-12 noon. $$2,825 b/75 paid entries. Two sections, Open and Amateur (U1800). Open $600-350-250, Top Expert & A $125 ea. Trophy to 1st, Top Exp & A. Amateur $500-300-175. Top C, D, U1200, Unr $100 each. Trophy to 1st, Top C, D, U1200. Trophies to top Senior (60+), Junior (U18) and Woman with 1pt added to their Open section scores. Reg.: Fri Sep 2, 3-6:30PM and Sat Sep 3, 10:00AM-12:30PM. Rds.: Sat 1 & 7; Sun 11 & 5; Mon 10 & 3:30. Two 1/2 pt byes available, must declare before start of Rd 2. EF: $60 if received by Sep 2, $75 thereafter and on site. Re-entry allowed for Rd.2 only at $30 with 1/2 pt bye. Ent: Mail payment by 8/30 to Mike Hoffpauir, ATTN: VA Closed, 405 Hounds Chase, Yorktown, VA 23693. Checks to "VIRGINIA CHESS". Info: mhoffpauir@aol.com, 757-846-4805, or www.vachess.org/2011closed.htm. W, NS, NC, FIDE. Chess Magnet School JGP.
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Here's my questions:
What is the significance of a tournament being "Closed"?
What is the significance of this being a "Heritage Event"?
Given my chess.com rating, and my lack of a USCF rating, what section should I register in? I can't tell if Unrated is a section... or whether I should be in U1200.
Do I need to bring my own standard set and clock?
Is there anything about this particular event that makes you think it would be a bad choice for my first tournament?
One particularly stupid question that occurred to me - do you need to use a set with extra queens in case of promotion? Where do you put the extra queens before play begins?
Is it bad form to weep after being crushed by a third grader?