genuinely remove stalemate

we are grown adults and still somehow stalemate is a thing even if the other opponent has no pawns left, embarrassing for the community

It's an official rule of Chess. You'll need to petition FIDE to get the rules changed.

Stalemate, a fundamental and inevitable "bug" of chess, will always be there

Stalemate isn't great but it's a fair & logical rule.

What happens if i become head of fide and can now change the rules

How about instead learning to stop stalemating people?

Stalemate is the only logical thing when a player has no moves anymore.

So what are you supposed to do when you have no legal moves left? Move your king and let it get captured? That doesn't make sense.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She’s a pretty stale mate, but I’m not just going to get rid of her!

It punishes opponents for not knowing how to checkmate? Also what else would happen when you have no moves… just learn the rules of chess

Have you ever noticed that basically everyone who's mad about stalemate in chess happens to be an absolute beginner? No? Just me?

Wait until they discover en passant

Hi! I've been working on my own chess system for over a year. It's something like a Modern English Opening or a King's Indian. I've worked through a very large database, and it contains a ton of variations and responses for Black. Many titled players have appreciated it. I'd be very grateful if you could play it in blitz or just give it a try. Thank you!
https://www.chess.com/blog/DavidYushkov/new-opening

Ironic.