Handling Losses and Feeling "Not Good Enough"

Kay, I don't entirely know how to say this but I am going to throw it out there. I figure talking about it might help... and on here seems to be the best place to look for people that might understand the dilemma.

Am I the only one that gets entirely discouraged with chess at times?

Here is the thing, i love the game, and while I might avoid those feelings by simply giving it up; I don't honestly foresee that happening... though i have threatened to do that at times. I have been told like i am a bit like the person who threatens to break up with their boyfreind/girlfreind and keeps coming back to them anyway.

Why do I even bring this up?

Truth is that I am not happy with my current rating on here at all and am not entirely certain how to go about improving it. What is more, it seems like my chess ability fluctuates in a VERY frustrating way... some days I seem to play rather well and everything clicks... otherdays, well... you get the picture. I am honestly not even certain what an accurate assesment of my playing strength would be. How can I avoid the slumps that seem to come for no apparent reason at all? How can I bring that number up?

One other question, how do others handle losses? I am sure I am not the only one that has ever had a game they just plain played poorly... but it seems like I am the only one that ever questions their worth as a chessplayer... their worthiness to even call themself that.

Just my musings and thoughts.

I feel you.

Look at my thread "I suck at chess" for some suggestions to handle bullish periods of your chess performance.

Remember: everyone loses. Even grandmasters. It's how people become grandmasters.

XD I know that everyone loses sometimes... just doesn't make it feel any nicer when it is you.

Maybe play a longer time control?

You make more mistakes when you're not given enough time to think.

I usually play standard .. 30 min...on here, so typically time isn't an issue; although I tend to move fairly quickly anyhow, I will admit. Perhaps learning to "sit on my hands and look for a better move", when i think i see what I want to do would be helpful. I have tried having some of my games run through the computer analyzer on the site here... thing is I am not entirely certain what it all means. 

Honestly I could handle a loss now and then better if I felt like I wasn't stuck at a plataue as far as my rating went.

I'm like that too. I move fast despite all that time I have to think..

I usually do better when I concentrate and go into zen mode.

Hmmm... A little hard to do at times, the going into 'zen' mod, I mean.

More often I find my self going into predator mode and wanting to rush in and, sometimes, getting myself 'kicked in the head' for it, so to speak... from the sound of it you rpobably know what THAT feels like. Curiously, I find that if I relax completely I don't do as well as when I am able to balance that tendancy to want to go on the attack with a bit more caution.

Also... I have noticed that my confidence level seems to playa role as well. 

Well, obviously. Confidence is a huge factor, depending on the person.

It also depends on distractions too.

Yes, i have noticed that distractions can be a problem... one reason it makes me really aggravated when I happen to get interupted mid-game.

Its funny, the first thing I checked was your rating because I often feel exactly the same way you do a lot. I often lose playing a terrible game where only after the game you realize how much better your opponent really is and you feel so weak against his strenght. Chess is cruel, maybe thats what attracts us to the game as well. Either way, I often suffer motivation issues and I think a lot of othet players have the same problem but somehow we all keep playing. I also dont think rating has anything to do with it, an IM feels the same way against a GM probably.

Hmmm.. I think that you have to accept that chess is more difficult than we think. You should not judge yourself on a single bad game, but at your result on multiple games. Some you play well, some you play not so well. It is the totality that counts. Don't expect to improve without study. You can play all your life at roughly the same level if you do not study tactics, endgames and openings...

Don't argue with your boy/girlfriend, have fun with him/her. Go out, do something wacky, play 1.a4. Have fun! Who cares if happen to lose a game, as long as you have fun with your game! Make a mess, create chaos, sac your knight on e5, push your f-pawn. Who needs castling anyway?

But don't overdo it. If you are in a bad mood, don't play chess, play Call of Duty. Then when you realise chess is a much more gentlemanly way of war, you'll come back automatically ;-)

Glad to know I am not the only one. Thing about it is that despite its cruelty, it keeps on drawing us back in.

So does the opponent.  The key is being able to quickly grasp the position and giving a proper assessment.  Why sacrifice a rook on b2 to force a perpetual if you're winning? 

Realize that chess, like many games, is a zero-sum game. That means for one person to win, another has to lose. 

Just in case you didn't notice, spacefrog's rating is over 2000, and he feels the same way you do sometimes. This tells me that feeling like you're not even worthy to call yourself a chessplayer has -nothing- to do with how good of a chessplayer you are. I think it has everything to do with how you view "worth." You don't have to be the best to be worthy. You don't even have to be good. 

My suggestion for you, after looking at a few of your games, is to play your next games with your focus being to not lose any pieces. I don't mean not trading, I mean that if your opponent takes your bishop, you get to take back his bishop (or whatever piece took your bishop). A pawn for a pawn, a piece for a piece. That's your only goal; if you get checkmated, but you kept the material balance, you accomplished your goal and should be proud of it. To do this, you'll want to look at each piece every turn and see what captures it can make, and make sure that for each of them, you have a reply that keeps your material even. You may want to play some Online games to ensure you don't get rushed. 

Move to Lake Wobegon, where everyone wins most of his games!

For epicness!

Interesting thoughts by all.

Terahammer, your post made me smile. I guess there is some truth to the idea that I need to not let winning entirely do away with having fun for its own sake, win or not. Which, in my case it all too often does.

And Spacefrog... I guess in a way it is nice to know that it isn't just lower rated players that feel like that.

I am afraid I am a little confused about Lux's suggestion. What would trying to keep the material balanced do for me if I lose the game? I am not asking that sarcastically, I am curious as to what the exersize would be FOR... if that makes sense. You wouldn't mind explaining it for me, would you, Lux?

Anyway... thanks fellow chessplayers. 

Certainly.

The exercise is to train that aspect of your game. In viewing your games, I saw (from both you and your opponents) that very often a piece would get captured, and the other person wouldn't recapture to maintain the balance, or would just leave a piece where it could be taken for free. I've shown some of the moves I'm talking about as variations in this example:

If you can't keep the material balance, you're going to have a very hard time increasing your rating. You could have all the attacking knowledge in the world, but if you can't keep the material equal, you won't have an army with which to attack.

I suggest playing a few games (not every game, and not forever) with material balance being the only thing on your mind to make you aware of it, and help you spot it when you go back to regular chess and it's not the only thing on your mind. 

MK... so veiw those as more 'practice matches' for training rather than anything else. I thinK I get it, I might just have to try it. Might make punishing the other person for taking a piece easier if I am more aware of something like that. It can't hurt, after all.

Thanks for the advise!