Hello, I am computer police

Really not much else they can do about it. Your poor connection is neither the problem of chess.com nor the people you play against. They have to arbitrate such games to the player who didn't disconnect, of course.

Or is the message that reminds you not to disconnect what bothers you? It's not meant to be personal or offensive. Perhaps you should learn to not get so frustrated with technology, or stop playing live chess until you can get a better connection?

Is Computer Impossible under arrest?

Am I being detained?

you're offended by a computer?

“Our cyberworld and cyberspace are infested with so many cyberscoundrels, cybercriminals, cybersluts and cyberpunks - that is virtually impossible for the cybercops (cyberpolice) to catch or stop them using known cybertechniques and save the cyberphobia of millions of cybernauts, many of whom are cyberholics.” 
― Tapan Bhattacharya, The Shrinking Universe

That would make a good message to embed in every email, too.