I can't get any better

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KongNeptun

I feel like im stuck and everything is completely random.
I watch chess videos online, and it seems so simple. 
"control this, watch for this, if I move here, im safe etc"

I do the whole checklist, but unless i see every possible move 3++ moves ahead, im walking into a trap.

I have no idea what do to as an opener with black, and with white, I just stick to London, because then im sure to develop my pieces enough for them to be effective.
With black, I just have to respond, but everything feels like a trap. I can't get on the offensive without just trading pieces.
And with white, I just need to stick to the London system or else I have no idea what to do.
If the opponent ruins my system, im lost.

Im only doing good if the other guy makes mistakes. If he doesn't, it's basically a stand still.
And every attack takes so many moves to develop that by the time im ready, he is blocking me.

I think the problem is that I don't have enough experience to recognise gameplay's and layups, so every time i make a move, I have no idea what the other guy is planning, other than immediate threats.
I understand the game, but I have no understanding in how to move effectively on the board.

Im playing better just suicinging everything in an attack than if I play carefully.
I have noticed that it throws the other guy off when I do that.

Is there any step by step things I can do to actually be able to improve?

Nilsmaln

Play more, play slower, analyse ALL your game by hand (not through the game review, that is not analysis). And, most importantly, give yourself the time and patience to let your game change.

In fact, deactivate that game review bot. It only encourages laziness. You need to learn to find and evaluate the obvious bad moves yourself first, before learning to not to play them next. And by bad moves, I mean moves that you loses you material, or gets you mated, or your whole pawn structure gets destroyed. You do not need an engine to demonstrate what is plain to see, when you see such a losing position.

When you improve with the basics, you'll be able to analyse the more sharp or intricate complexities of a position. But for now, the focus is just to stop yourself from playing plain horrible moves.

This is what helped me to work on playing blunders when I came back to active chess earlier this month, because after 30 years of not playing I was performing eggregious blunders (and I still do, but much less). After each game, I'd find the 2 to 3 moves that I assessed were the big mistakes that were the most critical to my game (like going from an position I felt good in to equalization, or outright lost or mated, or losing an important piece).

Then I asked yourself these: what you were thinking when you played that move? What was your plan? Did you check the full board before playing that move? What's your cold assessment of the opponent's future moves now before playing that movie, if you were in their shoes? Then look at the two moves right before the blunder, and ask yourself the same questions.

Take note of all of this, in writing. Not just in your head because you won't remember, trust me. You have to have it written with your hand in front of your eyes, just like in classroom, to able to read it back and review it later.

After a number of games, you'll start to grow a sense what you routinely do wrong... then, you start not doing it anymore. That's it.

Not that it will be easy; it will take a while, you will still be doing mistakes, you will slip up. The point is to actively force yourself to perform the process of changing your mindset. It's like bench-pressing: at first you'll be barely lifting the bar and it will feel embarassing but the more you do it, the heavier you start to lift.

Plus, tactics, tactics, tactics.

Nilsmaln

Also, try your best never to play on feelings. Really. It's hard to do but if you're leaning to play a move because it "feels" good... stop. It happens to everyone but a big part of improving is to learn to evaluate moves on what the board says, not whatever your feelings say.

Our instincts are just not developed enough yet to assess a position that quickly. I catch myself doing that and forcefully remove my hand from the mouse when I do, until I assess the move further.

You need to be able to explain to yourself why you are playing that move... and look at the opponent's reaction on the board.

If the board's reply is something like "if you play this you will be mated, or I will grab that piece, or you will self-pin or fork that piece, or I will dismantle your whole structure by playing this on my move", then you'll know this move is a bad move, isn't it? Then you discard it. It's out. That move won't be played.

This is the first basis of learning to find candidate moves. And the more you do it, the further you'll start to go - maybe next time, you'll be able to see two moves ahead (if I play this they play that, so I could play after this... this... or this... and if I do they can play that... that... or that...)

KongNeptun

I started doing 30 min matches instead of the usual 10 min, and im improving so much. now im never under 80% accuracy, and no more than 1 blunder each match. (and its usually blunders I don't even understand when I see the explanation, so I don't really feel bad about it.)
but the matches get really long and intense and it always seems like I just have to avoid blunders and wait for the other guy to make mistakes until I see an opening.
this makes the matches interesting, but also a bit boring.

but thank you for the tip. slowing things down help a lot

RussBell

Improving Your Chess - Resources for Beginners and Beyond...

https://www.chess.com/blog/RussBell/improving-your-chess-resources-for-beginners-and-beyond

https://www.chess.com/blog/RussBell