I hereby declare that I will have fun playing chess (after one last struggle)

Please delete if this doesn’t belong here.

I rarely discuss my motives online but I am declaring that once I reach my attainable goal of a 900 blitz, I will officially stop caring about my rating.
For the last few months my relationship with chess has been absolutely unhealthy with it becoming an addiction more than a fun game. I would play hours on end sometimes, refusing to take away anything lessons from my games, and almost blindly starting my next 5min game without checking if I even have the time. I would win some games and would revel in that adrenaline rush, but during losing streaks I often find myself asking myself “What am I even playing?” as I realize that my excellent move involves traversing my black bishop on to a white square.
When I started playing online chess I made the mistake of declaring that my objective is 1000 blitz on my profile. That objective is going away very very soon.
Here’s to putting the fun back in chess again. Cheers.

Yeah, the rating thing. The first 25 years of my life I have played without rating. No internet, no club. Just games for fun and honor.

You will get there, I would recommend focusing on learning rather than the rating. Also I know you said you are trying to not focus on the rating but I can just about guarantee you will crack 1000 if you stay with it and don't get discouraged.

My advice is play say 5 games a day (regardless of outcome) playing the same openings to get a sense of common positions, review the games, and do lots of tactics puzzles. If you have time, watch John Bartholomew Climbing the Rating Ladder on YouTube. 

My setup is:

1) Monday-friday: Unrated games only + Analysis of every single game RIGHT AFTER the game;

2) Weekend: Rated games only + Analysis of every single game RIGHT AFTER the game.

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words.
By now I was expecting I would be playing chess the way I would like, liberated from my unhealthy attention to ratings.
I have set the bar low on purpose so that I could leave the past behind. I’ve set it to a level where until just a few days ago I sat comfortably at.
But as soon as I did that, it seems my skill level has somehow adjusted itself to my lowered expectations. I’m now struggling to maintain 800 blitz, somewhere I have not been for a long time.
It just seems out of control at this point.
Like I’m trying to play an what looks like chess but is in fact something complete different.

Also "Playing for Accuracy" much more useful IMO makes me do Analyse my games instead of Hurry hurry, play another one.