I need guidance

so when I started playing chess I enjoyed it I didn't care about winning I just wanted to do better. now that some months have passed close to 1 year in a few months. I don't enjoy it anymore. I have become a toxic chess player and I make racist comments not that I believe in stuff like that just wanting to spice my opponent you know? Anyway, I hate losing and usually, when that happens I slap myself. for example, for losing a match I slapped myself 3 times. the problem is that every competitive thing I have taken part in outside before never brought a toxic behavior out of me. I am not competitive just carefree. Like I don't get angry as I do with chess and when I play on a real chessboard my behavior is vastly different than that on the app. Also, I don't plan to take chess seriously like becoming a grand Master or something my goal is to drop chess once and for all when I hit 1500 Elo. So I would like to hear your advice if you guys have any. I don't have any expectations that I will get amazing advice or something. So yeah I would appreciate normal pieces of advice instead of smart-ass ones.

I would start by being honest with yourself. Our brains are truly fantastic even without chess. It's always trying to protect us. So when you lose a game and you think to yourself "how did I miss..." or "I would've still beat this clown if I hadn't..."...your brain fires your ego and anger comes from our ego's. Its just your ego protecting you from the truth...that you are flawed. You make mistakes and need to improve. I would start by accepting that. My guess is that you are fairly young. It comes with time. The dealing with situations, not chess. Chess takes work I've learned. Like a lot of hard work.

The pandemic chess passion is strange to us. We hate to really think using reflexes instincts and symbols!!