Idea for a short film

I had a fantastic idea for a short chess related film, so if anyone with any film and acting experience wants to make it go right ahead!

Scene:  Guy sitting on a bus bench, playing chess on his palm pilot.  Get's a funny idea and with a black sharpie writes 1. e4 on the bus bench.  The girl sitting beside him asks him what he's doing, he says he wrote a chess move to see if anyone would respond, then has to get on his bus.

Next scene: Same location, the girl is there as usual, on her schedule.  The guy is on his palm again and looks over at his 1.e4 to find that someone has responded in a blue sharpie with d5.  He chuckles a bit and says "hmm... scandinavian".  And writes 2. exd5.  The girl inquires as to what scandinavian had to do with chess and he explains it to her, she listens intently as he masterfully explains it, then has to leave

Next day: In the same blue sharpie there is a response, nf6.  He calmly pulls out his sharpie and writes 3. nc3.  The girl innocently asks, how can you play chess on a bus bench, and he explains that this is merely notation for moves to be transposed onto a board, then leaves.

Next: The days response is nxd5, in the same blue sharpie.  He thinks for a moment before writing. 4. nf3.  The girl looks over curiously and inquires as to how can he enjoy playing such a slow game.  He says he enjoys the challenge of out witting someone.

Next: Skips ahead a week (the moves we missed were   1. e4  1... d5   2. exd5   2... Nf6   3. Nc3  3... Nxd5 .   4. Nf3  4... Nxc3   5. bxc3   5... Qd5   6. d4.   6... Bg4   7. h3   7... Bh5   8. g4   8... Bg6   9. c4  9... Qe4+ 10. Be2  10... h5  11. O-O   11... hxg4  12. hxg4 12... Qxg4#)  

The guy sits there flabbergasted that he was beaten so quickly.  He embarrasingly says wow I want to know who this guy is! The girl says "who?" and he says "This guy who beat me! I didn't see that coming. Wow..." and he scribbles down "Who ARE you?" in his regular black sharpie.  The girl reaches into her purse, pulls out a blue sharpie, leans over and writes "Kelly", looks up and smiles.

Any other extensions or endings? Comments or Critisizms?

Well the concept is good, but its fairly one dimensional.  Why not add some interaction between the girl and the guy while the game is going on?  Its not really enough for a short film,  But it would be a great setting, and its a nice twist at the end =).  There is also the plothole of why the girl asks "what do those letters mean" when she already responded to the first move.  And you better just drop that conversation, otherwise you might end up getting flooded with chess jargon.

I might end up writing a short story wrapping around that concept, I write whenever I have trouble sleeping.  Not very good however... but if I think of something I might post it.  Referanced of course, or else that would be plagiarism =O.

Well the idea is to make him think she knows nothing about chess, when actually she is quite good :P

Yes, the idea that she is smarter than him and leads him along is enough for a short film. Maybe get a bit more creative with the moves, and a more romantic analysis.

And finally: The girl reaches into her purse, pulls out a blue sharpie, leans over and writes "How did you know I was a guy?"

This is a good idea, but I am not sure it would sell ( since most of the population of the world has no idea what e4 stands for). Maybe if you sold it on the chess.com shop............

I dunno about a short film, but I enjoyed the short story.

not bad, but understand that its not an original idea( woman pretending to be stupid as a means to manipulate the pre and ill-conceived prejudices of men. Ealing comedy did it alot in the 50s, for example.)

That being said, it could be something worth doing, if not only for a feeling of self satisfaction. It'll take work from you.

step 1: read this;

http://www.screenwriting.info/

step 2; download this;

http://celtx.com/

step 3;

write it.

step 4;

edit it.

step 5;

edit it again.

step 6;

edit it again( and again, and again...)

step 7;

find some film students, and convince them that this is a good idea for them to film this- if you're lucky, one person might be a chess player and/or really love the idea.  . You're probably not going to get funding from HBO for this short, but if you want to progress you need a portfolio and this could help.

that's all the advice I have.

It would be better if she said her name was Judit Polgar. That would be cool.

oh yeah, and if you don't do it, someone could steal your idea and give you no credit for it, and it'd be perfectly legal.