The king because everyone else will do the work for me.
If you could be any chess piece what piece would you be an why
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I'd be the chessboard - everyone walks all over me at work all day, so no difference 
I'd like to be a knight so i can fork others. 
These are great answers and I hope more people will join in.
i would be the H2 pawn so i could make all the other pawns jealous of my ability to go h2 h4 h5 h6. none of the other pieces can even do that. what a bunch of scrubs!
Rorschach Test1 cool answer
Pick a chess piece and say why you would like to be that chess piece in real life