Is chess ruining your life?

While I do have some degree of paranoia that posting a thread with this title will get me in trouble, I still think it's an important subject to broach.

Personally, I am completely obsessed with this game. It has been to varying degrees for the past ten years or so, but is definitely as or more intense now then ever. The problem with this for me is that I have a family.... This game is seriously affecting my ability to be a decent husband and father.

I need to stress that I am not being critical of the game itself, nor of professional players; to do what you love and get paid for it is always great. For someone like me, though, who will never make a living out of it, and is instead on the totally absurd, tail chasing hunt for a higher rating, it is an entirely different scenario.

I would like at some point to go into greater detail, but for now I am just going to get this topic started, and see what others have to say.

Quick note: I am not looking for advice, but instead for the opinions and stories of other's own experience.

I have been there so I know. I've played at least 6 hours a day for almost 3 years and I ignored my "real" life.

I will cut it short: It is not chess, it is you. It is your personality. It might not be chess, it might be sth else. It might be twitter, it might be playing the guitar, it might be soccer, but for some reasons chess has become your way to avoid life. It is not the hobby that can be an obsession, it is the personality that can be obsessive. 

Chess ruins and saves life at the same time.

It ruins that because after that u knew chess u will be never more the same.

It saves your life because chess gives you a reason to live:go on to improve and overtake your power becoming always stronger.

Bingo! It's all about balance. Anything done to an extreme is not healthy, be it religion, chess or anything else.

Perhaps there are those that become so obsessed with their ratings that playing stops being enjoyable and slowly becomes an addiction and there are no good addictions. I think the main reason that playing chess has been so healthy for me is that I have never played for ratings. Half of the time I have no idea what my rating is because I have never chased a certain number. What drives me has always been wanting to get better each coming year. I don't need a rating to know that I've improved. You know when you get better and few things in my life have given me more satisfaction.

Chess is saving my life

Only, if one, is already $elf - $upporting, and, is 'half- inclined' to 'marry'/ enter into, a 'committed' relation$hip, with his girl-friend .. Or, {ah-hem}, 'boyfriend'.. Were, it Not, for their 'chess' addiction.

More like life is ruining my chess, but that's ok.

I love chess. When I find the time I am going to study to get close to becoming a IM or grandmaster. I would love it if any experience player can give me any advise.  I'm serious by the way.

I doubt chess could ruin something that doesn't exist.

I assume the OP is a grown man. He says he has family responsbilities, kids to look after. I can't believe you are trying to put these irresponsible and selfish thoughts in his head because of a board game. He's not some 15-year-old with no responsibilities. I love chess too, but I wouldn't put it before my family and partner.

I totally sympathise.  I find that as time goes by the computer playing at my level (5) seems to get better and better! I regularly used to beat it but now I rarely do. In other words I LOSE and it hurts to say that word. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just occasionally. I went through a stage where I won about half and lost about half and that felt like a real tussle and was exhilerating when I won. But now  I almost always lose.  Even my draws are disappearing.  It's horrible. Defeat, defeat, defeat. What do I do? I am determined not to move down to level 4. Please can someone tell me that the computer does learn and is getting better. At the moment I am thinking of giving up chess because I no longer think I'm any good at it. And yes the problem is partly because there's an obsessive side to me. Perhaps I should just stop worrying about ratings. Or better still, take up draughts!

As some others noted, it's all about balance.  Even when I was sponsoring a high school chess club and coaching the county-champ team, I also coached the school's Cross Country team. I also took classical piano lessons. I also played on a men's softball team. I also taught myself Egyptian Hieroglyphics before spending a week touring Egypt.

Did I ever become a power in chess?  No - though I do have a 2116 USCF correspondence rating from the '70's -before good home computer chess engines- as a credential,  Did I greatly enjoy it?  Yes.

Now that I'm retired, recovering from a torn supraspinatus tendon in my shoulder and more sedentary than usual during Winter, now is a good time to engage in mind-sharpening things like chess.  But I'm still involved in the sports and arts in which my two young nephews participate, am getting my bicycle ready for some paved-trail riding to increase my fitness, and looking at all the side-excursions that are offered on the Caribbean Cruise a dozen of us are taking together on the Celebrity Equinox beginning Aug. 13.  We're definitely doing the swim-with-the-dolphins for $90.

Will I get better in chess now?  I expect so.  If I don't will I still enjoy it?  Yes.

too much of a good thing is bad for you, but too much of a bad thing ..... well, it ain't good for you.

All work and no play may make Jim a dull boy, but no work and all play makes Jim all kinds of a jackass.

The problem is you dont do house chores or school homework or worst... dont work for a living.