My favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke:
You know, I just got this new dog. He's really an amazing dog. Really, really smart. As a matter of fact, this dog can read. Yeah, yeah, it's incredible, I know. Well, he picked up this book the other day about how pets and their owners start to look alike after awhile ... he committed suicide.
˙ɐɥ ˙ɐɥ ˙uʍop ǝpıspdn sı ɹoʇıuoɯ ɹnoʎ
how did you do this?????
a favorite joke from my father, its a little long:
a man named anthony just flies into a city and checks into his hotel. this certain hotel has 40 stories with a resturant on the 40th story. while they get his room ready he goes to the resturant. anthony steps out of the elevator and sees a wonderful resturant with a balcony. only problem is the balcony doesn't have a railing.
he steps onto the balcony and a man named clark walks up to anthony.
clark says, "hey, you know how there's wind surfing, parachuting, and sky diving? well this is sky floating. you jump off, fall a few stories then float back up.'
anthony says, "really? show me!"
so clark jumps off, falls a while then floats back up. then he does it again. "your turn," he says.
so anthony jumps off and plummets to his death. a man walks up behind clark and says "you're such a jerk when your bored, superman."
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.
The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food."
The panda bear turns around and says, "Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
great forum!
two guys walk into a bar why? (highlight the bottom to see the answere)
they forgot to duck!
A priest, a pedofile and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
A guy walks into a bar, says, I just flew in from Chicago and boy is this joke tired!