Magnus Carlsen vs. Hans Niemann

Edited moderator stumpyblitzer 

Lame. 

now make a movie out of ths

Lol this is 10/10

(definitely didn't copy and paste this from somewhere else)

Hi, it's me, future Scattered, from the year 2023. 2022 has been a crazy year, filled with countless controversies, mainly in the chess world. The reason I have traveled back in time to this year is to warn you about the upcoming, and potentially final match between Hans and Magnus, or in this case, a court case.

Hans just made a legal move, sending shock into the annals of the chess community. The lawsuit speaks for itself. Magnus's opening choice of the "Allegation Gambit", never before seen by the chess community has been responded by Niemann's "Lawsuit Defense".

Followed by a stunning legal statement by what seemed to be written by Hans, the statement contained countless paragraphs of what was interpreted as the "roasting" of the "greatest chess player of all time". While this stemmed from the spark Carlsen created when he withdrew from the Sinquefield Cup, the fire would only get bigger from here. Or would it?

The court is in session. With millions of people watching worldwide, "The Supreme Court Gambit" has finally begun.

While the case is being presented, Levy Rozman, also known as GothamChess, is livestreaming an eval bar to determine which side is winning. Like most master games, the "Allegation Gambit" proved to be even after Niemann's "Lawsuit Defense" successfully refuted Carlsen's "Complaint Sacrifice".

During the middlegame, however, things became intense. While Hikaru was explaining the Bongcloud and a "juicer" to the jury, Niemann desperately tried but to no avail presented evidence that negated Carlsen's claim that the Indian Game 2.c4 was a forced win for white. Apparently, Hans was creating the top engine arguments while Carlsen was refuting with the top engine counterarguments. Was there a use of an engine in this game? To this day, no one knows. We do know, however, that this case will be decided by one false move by either side. The highlight of this middlegame was Hikaru's inspiring speech where he spent 45 minutes saying something along the lines of, "So I just take take take take take take take and mate."

Speedrunning the ad-hominem arguments, Hans gave critic on Magnus's beard while Magnus attacked Niemann's barber for not doing a sufficient job. As the endgame approached, Magnus had used 30 minutes attempting to explain en passant to the jury. Suddenly, Sam Sevian burst into the room. Everyone's attention shifted from Carlsen to Sevian. What is happening?

"Order in the Court!" The judge announced in a booming voice.

Sam would not stop. He calmly approached the judge with a neutral face. No one knew what to make of this.

Suddenly, Sam opened his mouth out wide and bit the judge's head off! Everyone screamed in shock. The eval bar suddenly shot up to +69 for white. Levy fainted. There was a eerie silence that followed.

Very quitely, Magnus approached Niemann, holding his hand out as a sign of peace. Nervously, Niemann shook it. All of a sudden, the room erupted into applause! The case was solved.

Niemann and Carlsen formed a new corporation under the name, "Miemann", pronounced "Memin", otherwise known as "Making Memes". Everyone in the jury instantly became National Masters after the case was decided, and Hans learned that day that it is always better to attack than to defend. As for the judge? Niemann promoted him to the "head" the Bongcloud Society, thus giving him a new start in life. 

Please note that this post is a joke and a reference to multiple chess incidents that have happened in the past don't sue me plz

Hahahaha. 

A movie should be made about Elon Musk.  His comments started trending this story worldwide even though he was likely joking. 

Well, we can all already tell that nieman is cheating

His acct got banned for 2 years before

Not otb

hi