Scared of losing.

Every time I start a game, I am scared of losing it - and yet usually I end up winning the game. A perfect example would be my last few games, which I won.

I think it's because of the rating aspect, but then when I play unrated it's another thing. I think about the fact I would have earned points if I was playing in rated, and when I lose I get the feeling I'm not improving.

Edit : I am improving, and that's the worst part of it ; I play rapid mostly and don't care about my blitz and bullet rating, and over the last three days I have gained 60 elo.

Can anybody give me advice on what to do ?

Moi aussi

That's a very normal way to feel, not just in chess. In other games it's called ladder anxiety. I'm not aware of an easy fix, but what helped me was a change in perspective.

Instead of looking at the short term gains and losses, it's better to think of long term goals. You can't improve without losing, so consider the losses an investment rather than a failure. Losses are inevitable, so you might as well use them to your advantage. Every time you play you'll become a little more familiar with the openings, a little more aware of traps and tactics, and a little more experienced in endgame scenarios.

So I'd say to power through and focus on improving, and hopefully those feelings will go away. However, if you get into a bad mindset or go on a losing streak, it's perfectly acceptable to take a break until you're more in the mood to play. It is ultimately a game that is intended to bring you enjoyment after all.

Thanks for the advice. Tilting is not the problem, I'll try out your suggestions.

Try making a second account to play rated games on. Just think of it as your trash account... chess.com allows this, though technically there's some form you need to fill out to request approval for it, google it if you feel the need.

When I'm playing a strong player and their ratings significantly higher than mine sometimes I will consciously tell myself that my goal isn't to win, but to give them the best, most challenging game I possibly can... don't make any trivial mistakes, fight until the very end. If you're going to lose against a better player, it feels much better to lose a hard fought game with dignity. Often times I find this relieves the anxiety, often I win when I do this...

Sometimes I play a large number of games with the goal of familiarizing myself with an opening. Usually I have zero anxiety when doing this because again my goal is not to win but to develop skill, and I achieve that regardless of the outcome.

So maybe just generally try to redirect your goal to be something other than winning.

I avoid unrated since I'll end up playing weaker players too often, and I won't develop skill.

I also think experience with competitive games in general will gradually help you to overcome this anxiety. I've been playing competitive games for 20 years and I have very little anxiety in games nowdays. But when I first started I remember the feeling of competing was nerve wrecking

I don't care if I win or loose anymore because I know that overall I get better in the very end. And times when i have tried twice as hard I always seem to win then. Most often I'm only using 70% of my brain power

The way ELO rating is designed you should on average be losing exactly half of your games. It's not your falut, it's how the matchmaking was designed. The only way to start losing less games is to learn, but then you'll just get a higher rating and the win ratio should start going towards 50% again. If you are winning more than half of your games it means you should be playing better opponents.

very true

@1

"Every time I start a game, I am scared of losing it"
++ Being cautious is better than being careless.
A little anxiety helps to prevent stupid mistakes.

"it's because of the rating"
++ Do not worry about rating. Rating is just a measure of strength to faciliate pairings.

"when I play unrated"
++ Do not play unrated. Your opponents will not take that seriously.
You learn nothing from unrated troll games.

"when I lose I get the feeling I'm not improving"
++ On the contrary. Each loss is a lesson. Take it to improve.

Never be scared from losing, instead, be ready to lose a lot, because you learn a lot from your losses...

Yeah, sometimes we are scared of losing when we are playing a game based on a stake, but remember, being cautious is better than being careless.

Very helpful as usual thanks tygxc.

There's a blog post about this here, from a GM:

https://chessmood.com/blog/dont-break-your-chess-back

Not much useful advice on what to do about it - but at least you know you're not alone with this problem!

You are right

Me too. That's why I stopped playing competitively

I will say again what I always say: stop worrying about a rating. Chess is just a game. Cancer is something to worry about, not chess. Study the great games of the great players of the past, and enjoy chess for the beautiful game it is.

Personally if I win it motivates me and if I lose it allows me to improve.

Mini Militia App Lock 

Try to accept the fact that you may lose. If in losing a game you become angry or upset then accept the loss and stop playing for while, but instead work on improving your chess skill.

Whenever you lose one or two games, switch to doing puzzles, watching chess videos, or reading a chess book. Or do something else entirely.

Set achievable and process-oriented goals rather than fixating on the outcome.
For example, aim to follow opening principles, avoid blunders or create a solid pawn structure.

I'll try that.