scared to play, because my rating might go down



It's normal for your rating to fluctuate, in the short term. Some games you'll win. Some games, you'll lose. Some times your rating will reach new peaks. Sometimes, it'll reach disappointing lows.
But losing is part of the process. You need to lose, in order to help you identify the areas of your game that need improvement.
The more reliable measurement is the long term.
If you keep playing (and keep striving to learn and improve), your rating should (ideally) go up and up, in the long run.
Just don't expect it to be a straight path. It's more like this:

You can shift your focus to analyzing your past games multiple times and amp up your basic tactics training ratio to make up for playing less.
Other things you can do is play training games with friends and unrated games.
Then play when you’re ready.

If you don't play then you don't have a meaningful rating. It exists so that you can find evenly matched players to play against.
Unless you've got a title then it's no use on your CV and even then it's probably best not to put it on your online dating profile.
Once a high has been achieved, it can never be taken away by a lower score. It will always remain, only diminished if surpassed. Sitting in fear will never result in a potentially higher score. Focus on playing, analysis, reviewing, studying, and whatever it takes to help you play to your best. Then even if you rating drops, you increase your probabilities in surpassing to a new high.

Don't know but read your status again. It might help
"I’m Not That Good At Chess But I Have Fun Trying"