Give up chess and take up Tiddly Winks, no one has nightmares over Tiddly Winks.
Scared while playing, angry when losing, and having nightmares.
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i think its true
cool
Do what I do, keep a bucket near.
May 2, 2013
0
#46
Crazychessplaya wrote:
Maybe you should consider another pastime, such as stamp collecting?
Rocks.
Rocks ROCK, man. I've been collecting for over 30 years, and I've got some really cool ones... including a Lunar sample (from the light-colored Lunar Highlands) and about a dozen gem-quality meteorites (Google-search "moldavite").
blueemu wrote:
Crazychessplaya wrote:
Maybe you should consider another pastime, such as stamp collecting?
Rocks.
Rocks ROCK, man. I've been collecting for over 30 years, and I've got some really cool ones... including a Lunar sample (from the light-colored Lunar Highlands) and about a dozen gem-quality meteorites (Google-search "moldavite").
I used to have a great rock collection til it was stolen years ago, when I was a kid. How do you get started again?
May 3, 2013
0
#48
AdorableMogwai wrote:
Thanks to everyone who gave me serious advice.
In response to Msteen, I have to say there is one person who judges me, and that is myself. If I spend time studying a particular opening, attack, endgame variation, etc and find myself in that situation and still lose, I feel stupid and it lowers my self-esteem. That's part of why I get so scared, because I know if I lose I'm going to take that hit to my self-esteem, and I'm going to feel a depressive weight for the next week because of it. Meanwhile if I win, I'm going to be happy, feel a sense of accomplishment, and have a bounce to my step.
As for your comparing being upset over a chess game with Sandy Hook, this seems to be a version of the "your problems don't matter because there are always people worse off to be found" platitude. By this logic, only the single most miserable, suffering person in the world would have a right to feel upset over anything, because you are saying to everyone else "you have no right to feel bad about anything because you should feel grateful you're not that person." Just because there are always people worse than us does not invalidate our own fear and anger.
You're partially right in your last paragraph, that if that logic held perfectly true, only the most miserable have any right to complain. It's not perfectly true--the fact that someone else faces greater hardship does not invalidate your own feelings. However, it can give you some perspective. I'm not going to tell you how you can or can't feel, but comparing your situation to other situations can sometimes be helpful to keep your head on straight and realize what really matters to you.
As for the ups and downs when you win or lose...That's a very, very common problem. I'm going to tell you what it comes down to. You judge your self-worth based on your accomplishments. If you succeed, you're worth more. If you fail, you're worthless. That's great motivation, but unfortunately, you're seeing the downsides to that. Especially in a competitive sport, you're setting yourself up for misery because now, your self esteem (your own judgement of your self worth) is not even under your control, but is instead at the mercy of someone else.
You do not have worth simply because of what you accomplish, or how successfully you attempt something. You have worth because you exist--it is intrinsic. No one can take it away from you, no one can affect your intrinsic worth. Everybody tries things, succeeds, and fails, to varying degrees...the most successful among us tend to be the ones that failed the most, by the way.
AdorableMogwai wrote:
My mom came in and asked "what was that noise?"
Mama's just jealous it's the Beastie Boys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBShN8qT4lk
May 3, 2013
0
#50
Conflagration_Planet wrote:
blueemu wrote:
Crazychessplaya wrote:
Maybe you should consider another pastime, such as stamp collecting?
Rocks.
Rocks ROCK, man. I've been collecting for over 30 years, and I've got some really cool ones... including a Lunar sample (from the light-colored Lunar Highlands) and about a dozen gem-quality meteorites (Google-search "moldavite").
I used to have a great rock collection til it was stolen years ago, when I was a kid. How do you get started again?
Most big cities have a yearly show... Ottawa has one every September, for instance. If you save up a bit of cash, you can buy some pretty good stuff. That's where I got my Moon-rock.
It is funny... If I lose to an Expert or Master and play my best its ok but if I lose to an E player I fell like going into my study, taking out my 9 mm and doing the honorable thing LOL.
I know exactly where you are coming from. Some people might say to just do something else but I say do the opposite. This extreme emotion is good! It is what tells chess players that we are alive! The tantrum thing is probably not good, but the best way to get past it is to recognize that is all really just a part of the game. You have to think about it like a giant graph like the stock market. It goes up... it goes down... The only thing that TRULY matters is what the graph is doing in an extremely broad perspective.
If people watching the NASDAQ panicked every time the market went down a point and went ecstatic with joy like it was the happiest day of their life every time it went up a point, it would get old quick.
If you've ever heard of the phenomenon of "loss aversion," you'll get the sense that that anger and depression after a loss makes sense. Apparently humans feel losses (subjectively) roughly 2.5x as strongly as gains. Keep yer chin up, apologize to mom, and play some people face to face, you'll feel a little sillier when you have to look your friend in the eye after throwing your chair at her ;-)
AdorableMogwai wrote:
Once when I lost an online game, I threw a plastic cup against the wall and overturned a wooden chair. My mom came in and asked "what was that noise?" and I shouted "Leave me alone!"
I find this ... absolutely hilarious! 
blueemu wrote:
Conflagration_Planet wrote:
blueemu wrote:
Crazychessplaya wrote:
Maybe you should consider another pastime, such as stamp collecting?
Rocks.
Rocks ROCK, man. I've been collecting for over 30 years, and I've got some really cool ones... including a Lunar sample (from the light-colored Lunar Highlands) and about a dozen gem-quality meteorites (Google-search "moldavite").
I used to have a great rock collection til it was stolen years ago, when I was a kid. How do you get started again?
Most big cities have a yearly show... Ottawa has one every September, for instance. If you save up a bit of cash, you can buy some pretty good stuff. That's where I got my Moon-rock.
Worth a look see. 
paulgottlieb wrote:
Stamp collecting always looked cool to me, but I was afraid my friends would call me a "Philatelist"
If you find a stamp with an upside down plane, let me know and I will make you an offer!
It sounds like anxiety issues.....
I suggest a healthy dose of therapy
As long as you're not chased by the giant pawns, you'll be fine.