Should chess have a missionary position?

It just seems to me that having a position known as the missionary position would help people memorize openings better.  The names of the positions are so obtuse and strange that it becomes an impediment to learning the openings and variations.

If the names were more creative, descriptive or culturally relevant I think it would help a lot.

You want to bring chess to savages worldwide?

I vote the Polish be called Doggie Style.

The missionary position is illegal if moved into by the King, but is legal if moved into by the Queen. Hardly fair, but rules are rules.

Alright, lets see... we could change:

Ruy Lopez to Jennifer Lopez

Sicilian Defense to Kick@$$ black opening

French Defense to either BOOORRIING opening or Sarkozy Defense

Queen's Gambit to too-pussy-to-offer-a-true-gambit opening

English Opening to I'm-playing-white-but-I-still-want-to-play-the-Sicilian opening

Scandanavian Defense to I-can't-wait-to-start-capturing-pieces opening

I don't know if I want something related to chess to be attributed to myself.

Or Sicilian: I'm playing black but I still want to play the English opening