Someone asks you : Do you know how to play chess ?

"Your response?" - ESP-918
 
"I’ll take a moment out to share a story about these two players. I don’t recall where or when it took place (and I’m too lazy to do a deep search), but it’s extremely funny and thus well worth sharing.
Both men (who were sometimes friends and sometimes not) had played in the same tournament, and during the award’s ceremony Alekhine found himself on the podium. Instead of doing the usual 'thank you' routine, he said the following: 'Last night I had a dream. I had died and found myself at the Pearly Gates, but when I tried to enter I was told by Saint Peter that chess players were not allowed into Heaven! I wandered along the endless fence, hoping to find some other entry point, but it was hopeless. Then, suddenly I saw Bogoljubov on the other side, having a great time! I rushed back to Saint Peter and said, "You told me that chess players aren’t allowed in Heaven. But if that is so, why was Bogoljubov allowed in?" Saint Peter replied, "Oh, he only thinks he’s a chess player!"'" - IM Jeremy Silman (2014)
https://www.chess.com/article/view/alexander-alekhine-part-4-his-prime-years

This is a great anecdote!