THE BEST OF CHESS.COM: Funniest Chess Experience

Let me try this again. Good evening ladies and germs! Tell us about the funniest chess experience you have ever been a part of. Don't be shy! Who wants to go first?

Oops! I forgot to unlock the front entrance.

Chess.com's Funniest Moments. - http://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/chess-com-s-funniest-moments

I was playing with this girl and she stared at me when I was thinking. I hung a piece because of her mind games, she was about to win against me, I then started to stare back and she hung her queen.

This thread is going to go well because after all, the Chess.com members are famous throughout the world chess community for their unique brand of comedy

[Event "Themous vs. Hey_Randi"]
[Site "Chess.com"]
[Date "May 1, 2017"]
[Round "?"]
[White "Themous"]
[Black "Hey_Randi"]
[Result "1-0"]
[WhiteElo "889"]
[BlackElo "680"]
[ECO "A00"]
[TimeControl "1 in 0 day"]

1. b4 e6 2. b5 d5 3. Bb2 b6 4. e3 Nf6 5. d4 Bd6 6. c3 c5 7. bxc6 Nxc6 8. Bb5 Bc7
9. Bxc6+ Kf8 10. Bxa8 Bb7 11. Bxb7 Qb8 12. Bc6 Bf4 13. Ba3+ Kg8 14. exf4 a6 15.
Be7 b5 16. Bxf6 gxf6 17. Qg4+ Kf8 18. Ne2 Ke7 19. Qg7 Rg8 20. Qxh7 Rxg2 21. f5
Qf4 22. Rf1 Qc1+ 23. Nxc1 Rg5 24. fxe6 Rf5 25. exf7 Rf4 26. f8=Q+ 1-0

. I guess the show will start as soon as the dinner crowd settles in. Oh my I can't believe it. I have been trying all week to post one of my games and it's happened! 

I hope it's a game that I won.

Oh dear I lost didn't I?

I have an enormous number. I'll tell you a few:

1) There's a player who lives in my area whose name I won't reveal but he's around 1000. This player is a great guy, but unfortunately for years he played in the same rated chess club every weekend and almost all the other players were 1600+. He could go months playing 20+ games and getting 2 points or less. Well, when I was 1400, I played him. Early in the game, I created a little pressure on his kingside with Bg4 and Nd4 (I was black), trying to double his pawns on the f-file. I got up and walked around, came back and found that he had written something on the scoresheet, but hadn't made a move. I was curious so I positioned myself to see what he had written and he wrote, in all caps, "ALREADY LOST!!!". I found this funny because a few minutes later he then proceeded to play a move after which he was blundering a huge amount of material (and he wasn't lost before), and later blundered mate-in-two.

When he blundered this mate, he got up from the table, grabbed his little bag, and stormed out the door, slamming it on his way out (it was the last round). I think it was because I was the weakest opponent he had played that whole month and he still lost in about twenty moves. Five minutes later, he came back because he had forgotten his coffee  Great guy, just gets mad at himself when he loses. Later on he actually analyzed the game with me. 

2) There was a "chess fight" at the Atlantic Open in DC a few years ago (2014). Happened because of a dispute in the touch-move rule. The TDs had absolutely no idea what was going on so they started asking surrounding players if they had seen the situation but no one had. In the end, they gave one player the win, but forfeited that player anyway from the remaining round because of disorderly conduct. By "chess fight" I mean that one player threw a chair in protest, which garnered much attention because there were at least three hundred other players in the room playing their games.

3) There's another player, whom I will also not name, well-known for his postgame talks. He's only a Class C player (maybe that's being generous) but he's hilarious because of his postgame rants about himself. I'll give an example (I wrote this down when I heard it at one tournament): "I was trying to go for a position where I would have two bishops vs a rook and a pawn. Then I realized the kid had me pinned so I couldn't move. So I only ended up getting one bishop for a rook and a pawn. Damn." He needs a radio show.

Just a few

Well no matter. Let's here one of yours! Go on Lobster!

That was wonderful do!

Everyone! Let's all give do a nice round of applause! 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🍺🍺

NO NO I MEANT GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR DP!  WHAT A RIOT!

Alright Ladies and Germs our next comedian hitch hicked all the way from Boston to be with us here tonight at "Randi's Gallery Inside Soho" in Morristown. 

Here she comes! 🌹

Oh Oh what happened? He's left the gallery. Bob says that logozar through up his hands during intermission and stormed right out of the building. (what...no i don't know what happened...of course I'll apologize...sure...ok bye) Ladies and Germs it seems that something has happened to Mr. logozar. Oh my what happened? I hope his feelings were not hurt. The poor thing. 🌹

Alright we got the story now. It seems an argument began over who's turn it was to pay the bill.

I don't know if this is funny but when there was a tournament in our place, this guy had winning material only to find out that he is mate in one. It was hard to see to be honest, I just had to move my queen to one spot and this move was not obvious. Time control was one hour. It took me about nearly 15 minutes to figure the move. He was laid back, stretching happily. When I made the move, he wrote the move on the paper and I offered my hand said it was a mate. He looked like he was about to cry. He was confused and shocked. He froze. I was laughing in my mind so hard.

When I was an 1100 I was beating a 1900 by 4 pawns and a bishop and then me moved his king into the corner. My opponent only had pawns and they couldn't move because they were locked with mine. I pushed my pawn instead of trading with his and I stalemated him. I came out and was really sad, my friend thought I lost and said it was ok. I told him I drew and he was like wow

Who's coming on next?