This is how you get better at Chess. Listen to me.

I see a lot of threads about people not improving at Chess...

Listen to me.  This is how you get better.  This is the only way to really improve.

You have to go deep into the forest and meditate.  You must summon the spirits of the past, and confront them.  Confront them in your heart.  You must become one with your inner-child... And you must become one with all the creatures of the desert, jungle, ocean, and forest.

You must meet with the great whales, and gain trust from wild animals such as the porcupine.  You must forgive and forget, whilst at the same time holding vengeance deep within your heart.  You must close your eyes, and see your freedom manifesting itself into flying dragons, and howling wolves.  

You must find a deep spiritual connection with a beautiful woman...  Take her out to dinner, and never call her again, without reason or explanation.

You must be your own Bermuda Triangle, and then form a circle of fire around that triangle.

Only then will you truly improve.

So where did you fail?

I would wish to playing chess would be as romantic as you described but its not... 

Hope you didn't start the circle of fire

Did you not get enough attention trolling with this comment in response to other threads?

You should stop getting high mate, this really isn't that funny

So that's how Magnus Carlsen became a champion. I thought it was training from a very young age and a father who is a grandmaster. I have to go to the nearest forest and start getting in touch with nature.

I only have one request - If you ever make a serious, non-troll thread, please flag it as such so that I can actually consider making a serious response...

I see that a lot of people are saying this isn't funny.

And that's the problem... This isn't a joke.  It's not supposed to be funny.

Did you think it was supposed to be funny?  I didn't.

It's my wisdom to you.  It's my advice on how to improve.

When you stop looking at this as a joke, or something that's meant to be "funny", then maybe, you will improve.

A wise man can write wise words...

But are you wise enough to listen?

Gather around, everyone.

To improve in chess, you must plant the seeds of the hotdog, then refuse to ever light another candle.  You must pray at the altar of rock candy, and dive into the ocean of raspberry smoothie.  You must not drink the smoothie, but instead absorb it into the skin of your body.  You must buy sanitary wipes, and go into the apartments of strangers, and scrub their floors, hard.  It all must be clean and fresh, like in the beginning.  You must open your eyes at night, and dream of a dream without dreams.

Only then will you improve in Chess.

Meditating is something everyone should do. It helps regulate one's emotions, which is useful in our chaotic, hedonistic societies.