Top-secret method for chess improvement that THEY don't want you to know about!

This is good advice. However, the OP was, according to his own profile, 9th grade national champion and a top scholastic player as a kid. It would be a little more convincing to hear this advice from someone who wasn't a prodigy, who mastered the craft as an adult.
But I like his message and I don't dispute that Chuddog worked very, very hard to improve. The posts about openings, quick fixes, blitz, etc, on these forums, as he points out, probably never helped anyone improve.
What the hell is an "FM" that's like the lowest title you can get and you are trying to be clever? What a joke!
-um, no.
ok here we go - since op does not have an avatar, had to improvise with 'chew dog' ...
Ha! Awesome, thanks. Maybe I should make this my avatar.

What the hell is an "FM" that's like the lowest title you can get and you are trying to be clever? What a joke!
Even being a master is pretty good.... and its not the lowest

Bravo, chuddog. I'd like to add one concern to your list and make an observation.
* I don't have to study a position. My engine will tell me the best move.
Um, no. You will not improve in the slightest that way.
*Unless you take the engine into the match with you...

What the hell is an "FM" that's like the lowest title you can get and you are trying to be clever? What a joke!
Even being a master is pretty good.... and its not the lowest
Anyone can be an NM or FM. Nobody takes them serious. I've seen GMs and IMs laugh at them.
Ok man.... once you get there let me know
This is good advice. However, the OP was, according to his own profile, 9th grade national champion and a top scholastic player as a kid. It would be a little more convincing to hear this advice from someone who wasn't a prodigy, who mastered the craft as an adult.
But I like his message and I don't dispute that Chuddog worked very, very hard to improve. The posts about openings, quick fixes, blitz, etc, on these forums, as he points out, probably never helped anyone improve.
I did work hard. I don't dispute that talent is a real thing, but the effort you put in gets you further.
As it happens, I was mostly away from chess for a number of years and have gotten back into it recently, in my 30s. So now I am an adult trying to improve. Here is an image of my USCF rating graph over time. Notice the long period of stagnation and decline, followed by improvement starting ~2011 and especially starting in 2016. Do you know how hard it is to gain 60-70 rating points around the 2400 level? Last year I also had my first OTB tournament win with black over a grandmaster.
I've also started focusing more on chess writing and am working on that too. In 2016 one of my articles in Chess Horizons was nominated for a Chess Journalists of America award.
So I think I practice what I preach.
GM. I would be surprised if FM's know even how to write.
Ha, thanks for chuckle. I love when a kid with a 3-digit rating calls a 2400-level player a joke.
You seriously want to talk about writing? I have a recurring column in the New England chess magazine Chess Horizons. A tournament report I wrote was nominated for a CJA award. I have a cover story coming out in Chess Life later this year. And you have... what? A post asking about "toornaments" here on chess.com?
Ah, the internet. Allowing jealous trolls to hate without leaving their moms' basements since 1996.
Last one. I just want to say thanks for all the supportive replies. I'm glad most people got both the humor and the content. And as for the few negative replies.... meh. Hataz gonna hate.
uh oh