Totally new to chess! SOS! Need help! Lots :)

By the way.. I already have four books coming in the mail.. Three of them by that Silman character.. "How to Reassess Your Chess", "Amateur's Mind" and an endgame book by him, can't remember the title.. I bought one other book about openings, can't remember the author.. Kind of an introduction to the basic concepts of all the various openings.. I'm not ready to read entire books about a single opening! I couldn't believe how much literature there is on chess.. Hopefully these books will help me..

I want to be clueless for a short of time as possible

Using tools like books, exploror and so is does not just tell you what to do, you get better. A big part of chess, is learning things already exploren, especially in the opening and in the endgame, you have to use others ideas if you wanna get any good. You dont live long enough to explore it all yourself, so dont be afraid to use books and so.
Of course dont use computers like rybka, thats cheating, and the books and so is only for CC and not live chess.

You should diffently play long chess (15 mins per player per game), instead of blitz.

I would say that you dont suck anymore when you are a master (1900 elo).

And a final tip, get an OTB coach that can help you! 

To me, a good player is someone constantly striving to improve their art. I would have more respect for a 1300 rated player who is studying all his games to weed out errors than I would for a 2100 who just shuffled pieces around and was content. We all will have our natural level of ability, it's what we do with it that defines a player in my eyes. I have little to no natural talent for chess, but through experience and a little elbow grease, I've been able to hit 1560 in the USCF, which some players would look up to, while others would laugh. I've found the most enjoyment from chess when I played it for it's own sake, and stopped worrying about how I matched up with ratings systems.

One great piece of advice - Play studiously and study playfully. It took me many years to find this treasure, I hope it is of use to you ; )

Already getting books huh?

The stereotypical chess player's library has two vices.  Too many books on the opening, and 90% of all his book (or more) go unread.  So it's good to get Fezzik's advice in your head early.  Start reading only one book at a time, and don't switch until you've read it cover to cover.  Whether they're consecutive reads or not, the good books are almost always worth re-reading at some point.

 Isn't there anything besides oil rig crap? How do you manage to live there, if there aren't any jobs?