What would you do if you were the e-pawn?

If you were the e-pawn, what would you say, do, or curse at?

I would curse my player for not playing 1. d4

I would tell the pawn on my right to f off...

I'd say to my human master: "Me first!"

I would walk right back to my starting position every time the player moved me!!!

I'd naively dream of the day when I could become a queen, just four short steps away! That would keep my mind off the harsh reality that I'm likely to be one of the first units lost in battle.

At best, I'd simply follow my king's orders and die in battle. At worst, I'll undergo a sex change.

Pretend I am disabled and let the others move into the battle first.

Comitt suicide. I refuse to be part of their horrible game

I'd start humming, "all in all you're just another pawn in the chain..."

"Let's f**kin' do this!"

Convince the king to go for the anderssen opening instead.

And of course, fear the scandavian.

hope it was worth it.

Kill myself

I would always move first.

I'd worry about some idiot playing 1...d5

.....Play football in no-mans land with e5 until the Black Knight appears or d5 jumps into my trench.

I would simply exchange it for a Queen if I can otherwise I would settlle for a b pawn on the King side castle.

Turn around and join the enemy, exd1=Q check.

Hope that my master and my masters opponent dont play the petroff or scotch...

Absolutely nothing.