When you *think* you're getting better

Has anyone else had a ratings jump where the numbers say you're getting better but you scoff at it and consider your play sub-par?

I have had a fairly decent climb in my rating here over the past few weeks.  I've studied my more pitiful blunders and appropriately practiced self mortification over them, cussed, thrown things, and watched my family laugh at me while doing so.  They've asked the age old question, "Why do you do this to yourself?  Why do you play chess if it chaps your hide so bad when you lose?" I don't have an answer but I can take a stab at it. It's like the rush you get when gambling if you're compulsive gambler.  Only you don't lose the rent when you lose and if you lose it's not luck causing it so you can't get mad at anyone but yourself.  That includes when you lose due to life aggro b/c you chose to play when life aggro can get you (I have 5 kids, an invalid mother-in-law, am a single dad, and a psycho ex-wife so life aggro can get me if I'm not careful about when I play).

I had a windfall today of some decent wins but my play has been IMO awful.  I got away with some blunders and I'm still trying to find a way to quantify a position as good or bad more quantitatively than qualitatively.

In other words, I don't think I deserve the rating I've got and I feel like I've gotten lucky.  A knight fork has won 2 games for me tody, for instance.  I feel guilty for not going over those games carefully with Stockfish. AND that's what I've been doin differently. I've been looking at the games with the assistance of Stockfish and going down the twisted paths the game can take.  Can that really improve one's play by 50 points? I remember frequently losing to 1300+ players.  I also have been doing more tactical puzzles and studying some GM games that use my pet openings.

I want to waste away studying chess. 8) Its exactly how I plan on spending retirement in 19 years and 2 months from now. Travelling and playing in the USCF.  Life circumstances prevent it at the moment, but that will change in about 3 years.

I simply refuse to belive my rating... yet...  we all know ratings don't lie.  I have stopped playing when there's a likely distraction (single dad, remember).  That helped me to break 1250.  But it was a long haul to 1300.  Now I'm staring at 1350 if I win my next game.

Maybe its just the stress and pressure of playing that has me doubting myself.  I absolutely love it though. 8)

I can't tell if I'm really a 1300+ player or if I'm lucky.  I consider all my wins today fortuitous.

at any point in time, you are what you are...........one day the NY Yankees can hit a bunch of homeruns  and  the next day, they can be shut down.    Why ?

An alert team or player will realize their opportunities.   you should have the energy to try and do the best you can.   Keep punching and good things will come your way !

though you are surprised in moving up in Rating, you probably do deserve it based on your building up experience and wanting to improve.   The subconscious goes a long way, as you want to improve.

Perhaps.  Very interesting comments, gentlemen.  I particularly like the yankee's comment.  Its true.  I was well rested, and very alert that day I had the good fortune.  And I've made a conscious effort to NOT play when there are nasty distractions like from my kids.  Who, lets face it, can and often do trump chess b/c they are ridiculously cute or they have legitimate needs like a dirty diaper or needing something to drink or a snack or if one gets up late and is hungry, etc.  Howevere, yes, I have been studying, I do review my games looking for missed chances and blunders.  Its nice to see my 'blunder' notice from chess.com's computers dwindling down to just one move / game when I'm alert enough to play well.  The inaccuracies are sometimes debatable and I'm getting better at debating them with the assistance of stockfish which sometimes can show a path.

One thing that a GM here at chess.com (thank you, God,  for teh ability to pay for a diamond membership) pointed out in an article about comparing moves recently has hit home.  I have to try not to look at a situation and try to find a way to make what I want to happen happen.  He said that we should also know when a move hits "quiescence" or when there are like 8 possible moves after a few.  Like if you have 2. X Y(or else nasty, evil things happen) 3. X Y ( or nasty, evil things happen) 3. X Y (nasty evil unless Y), then on 4. X, 4. ... Y will be any of a number of different moves, none necessarily very rotten or threatening.  Once you get to that point, you have to think about stopping analysis and comparing the position after 4. X or even 3. ... Y to other possibe moves and stop going down the rabbit hole at that point.

Anyway... I'm reviewing tonight. 8)  And tomorrow I want to study some more about my pet openings b/c I feel rusty in that area. Oh, man, I love this game. What a wonderful thing Chess is because you can always improve at least until you can beat Carlsen.

Once you find a way for your opponent to counter, its time to move on to find another move to contemplate.  For instance, the knight forks I mentioned. I fully expected my opponent to NOT fall victim to them and was plotting my evil, nefarious plans around what I felt was his best counter and I saw other opportunities based on him being forced to defend against the forks.  But he fell victim to the forks b/c he didn't see them.  In one game, my opponent didn't see the fork blocking off a square that he could otherwise have made a nice spot for his queen.  He didn' see the fork opportunity if he placed his queen on the square though and so I got his queen.  BUT, I'm happy (proud?) to say that I left my knight exactly where he was so that I could prevent his queen from taking that square b/c of the fork threat.