Maybe you need to challenge yourself and rethink your ego.
Does it feel good to wonder if the chess game is still worth it?
Because ultimately in a life, it is so futile compared to other things much more important for and in life!
Look at my poppy, the flower I approach. Isn’t it more beautiful and free than anything?
Why losing at chess is soooo hard and painful :|

It really hurts...I feel like the stab in my heart...it's a feeling that doesn't leave me all my day
If it’s that painful, you have to change your passion and move on!