Worst Thing To Do On Your First Move

See how many times you can say j’adoube and touch a piece before you annoy your opponent. Remember to take a random time before each j'adoube for added confusion.

If you are playing under Sofia rules with no speaking make a move and then start a game of charades an see if you get any funny looks.

285. Attempt and succeed entering into a one hour face-off/stare-down competition with your opponent.

Move a knight and say loudly 1. If there are no pawn moves or captures in the corse of the next move say loudly 2. If there are, reset your count.

Accidentally touching your queen and having to take a pawn with it.

more like.." black piece matters."

Pressing your clock without playing a move.

A brilliant opening for black!! Why didn't Fischer ever think of this?

Play e4 then e2 then e4 for your moves

Move the pawn backwards.... 

286. Throwing a heavy brick at the chess pieces because it helps you understand the beginning position better.

Annotating a game which started 1.e4, Hypermodern great Gyula Breyer memorably wrote after this move, 'and white's position is in its last throes'.

He solved how to set up the pieces, at the very least...

I mean, how do you expect to play a good opening if the pieces aren't even set-up correctly?

He probably has an eidetic memory for setting this position up every game!
A genius, indubitably... 

286. Sharing a bowl-full of boll weevils with your opponent to pre-celebrate your victory over him, and that ain't no boll --- well, now wait, actually on second thought, yes, it is a lot of boll!

  "Curculio gon' lay some eggs up in yo joint..."

287. Concentrating on something besides the opening:

  news release: I believe egoole may be running a special on these right now... 

288. Roasting the chess pieces, but forgetting about the mashed potatoes.

317. Having to much sweet potatoes and fart the whole game

I didn't know that......