Worst Thing To Do On Your First Move

dhanushbharadwaj

play kadas opening 1.h4

dhanushbharadwaj

play kadas opening 1.h4

PhilSim
To start screaming like a moron and the your phone rings
Bossinater43
Worst thing to do on your first move? Play 1. f3 and then trash-talk your opponent with racial slurs.
Destroyer942

dude don't upset the sjws

Destroyer942

one day when you run from president they'll read all your posts and tell everyone that you're a racist, sexist, homophob

Bossinater43
Destroyer942 wrote:

dude don't upset the sjws

one day when you run from president they'll read all your posts and tell everyone that you're a racist, sexist, homophob

I didn't say I recommended calling your opponent racial slurs. I just said that that's the worst thing you can do on your first move, because you're right. That would make me look like a sorry excuse of a human being. I love everybody <3

egoole

Declare your intention to run from president.

Rats_2018

Shoot @david

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Im probably gonna get banned for this

sean893
jameslim2008 wrote:
Quoting your second last screenshot post based on Page 30
Your screenshot there is invalid, since White has two kings xD
Rats_2018
sean893 wrote:
jameslim2008 wrote:
Quoting your second last screenshot post based on Page 30
Your screenshot there is invalid, since White has two kings xD

exactly.

Kwolverine04

Rolling around on the ground and eating 20 apples before you finally sit down, make the move 1.f3?? and then fly around the board eating Pop-Tarts before you finally slow down enough to watch your opponent play 1...e5 and then eating 7 more Pop-Tarts before making the move 2.g4?? Then flipping the board over declaring that you beat Magnus Carlsen in 2 moves before throwing Jelly Donuts all over the chess board and declaring yourself the tournament champion before being fined for ruining Bobby Fischer's personal chess set that has been passed down through generations.

Destroyer942
Kwolverine04 wrote:

Rolling around on the ground and eating 20 apples before you finally sit down, make the move 1.f3?? and then fly around the board eating Pop-Tarts before you finally slow down enough to watch your opponent play 1...e5 and then eating 7 more Pop-Tarts before making the move 2.g4?? Then flipping the board over declaring that you beat Magnus Carlsen in 2 moves before throwing Jelly Donuts all over the chess board and declaring yourself the tournament champion before being fined for ruining Bobby Fischer's personal chess set that has been passed down through generations.

One of the few posts on here that actually made me laugh, good one.

Kwolverine04

The secret is to make it unnecessarily long, ensuring that no-one else could possibly use it. Like this one:

 

You yell like a lunatic as you walk in and immediately get kicked out. Your opponent is waiting for you to make your move so you dress up as Donald Trump and try to get in, but the Abraham Lincoln style beard gave you away, so you got thrown out again. You hack into the security cameras with your new iPhone 1000xsMALL™, and you see that your clock is down to 1:00:00.0 remaining. You go find the nearest WALMART™ and steal: I mean, borrow some sleek black ninja clothing and try to drop in through the skylight, until you realize there are no skylights, so you join a construction company through blackmail, and ask the city for a patent to create a skylight, and this time good luck comes your way because they say yes, so you dress as a construction worker. You infiltrate the top of the building with dynamite, setting off every alarm imaginable (although no one was killed), and bring in the glass. After the glass is put in, you quit the construction company, join WALMART™, get ibuprofen for free, put on the black clothing, infiltrate the building through the skylight, sprinkle some ibuprofen onto the board, then give the tip to the arbiter that your opponent has illegally snuck drugs into the tournament. He gets thrown out, and you claim that you won because he aborted. You move up into the ranks of grandmaster, and in the finals, you say, "Y'know, I'm probably the best chess player in the world." And you are, until the security guard you threw you out sees you, and throws you out again, and the police are outside, looking for some ibuprofen illegally snuck into the chess tournament, and the police dogs go crazy when you go near, so you chuck the bottle into the river. The problem is, the police saw you throw it, and so you get thrown in jail, and when your shown your cell, you freak out because there sits your opponent, looking very much pleased that your here.

After you wake up, all the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. "Ahh, it was my sister's dog's owner's UNCLE who did it. I see," You say to yourself. And you walk to e7 to kill the bishop who killed your queen.

 

                               THE END

Destroyer942
Kwolverine04 wrote:

The secret is to make it unnecessarily long, ensuring that no-one else could possibly use it. Like this one:

 

You yell like a lunatic as you walk in and immediately get kicked out. Your opponent is waiting for you to make your move so you dress up as Donald Trump and try to get in, but the Abraham Lincoln style beard gave you away, so you got thrown out again. You hack into the security cameras with your new iPhone 1000xsMALL™, and you see that your clock is down to 1:00:00.0 remaining. You go find the nearest WALMART™ and steal: I mean, borrow some sleek black ninja clothing and try to drop in through the skylight, until you realize there are no skylights, so you join a construction company through blackmail, and ask the city for a patent to create a skylight, and this time good luck comes your way because they say yes, so you dress as a construction worker. You infiltrate the top of the building with dynamite, setting off every alarm imaginable (although no one was killed), and bring in the glass. After the glass is put in, you quit the construction company, join WALMART™, get ibuprofen for free, put on the black clothing, infiltrate the building through the skylight, sprinkle some ibuprofen onto the board, then give the tip to the arbiter that your opponent has illegally snuck drugs into the tournament. He gets thrown out, and you claim that you won because he aborted. You move up into the ranks of grandmaster, and in the finals, you say, "Y'know, I'm probably the best chess player in the world." And you are, until the security guard you threw you out sees you, and throws you out again, and the police are outside, looking for some ibuprofen illegally snuck into the chess tournament, and the police dogs go crazy when you go near, so you chuck the bottle into the river. The problem is, the police saw you throw it, and so you get thrown in jail, and when your shown your cell, you freak out because there sits your opponent, looking very much pleased that your here.

After you wake up, all the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. "Ahh, it was my sister's dog's owner's UNCLE who did it. I see," You say to yourself. And you walk to e7 to kill the bishop who killed your queen.

 

                               THE END

That one was too long to be funny.

Kwolverine04

True, although that was my brother who wrote that, not me.