...you might be a chessaholic

I was inspired by the Chessaholics Anonymous thread and had no ready moves, so I burned up some time writing these. I didn't bother Googling this stuff, so if you see any similarities to some you've heard they're purely coincidental. Enjoy:

• If during small-talk with strangers you try to dazzle them by pointing out an ambiguous parallel between the weather and chess principals, you might be a chessaholic.
• If your kitchen has a checkered floor and you move between appliances in a strict orthogonal fashion, you might be a chessaholic.
• If you own such B-rated films as "Final Move", "Knight Moves" and "Dangerous Moves", you might be a chessaholic.
• If you own a wooden chess set, glass chess set, aluminum chess set, Lord of the Rings chess set, Star Trek chess set, and Transformers chess set and actually play on each at least once a week, you might be a chessaholic.
• If you flatter your wife by calling her "The Queen" and tell her she has the best moves, you might be a chessaholic.
• If you call your husband "The King" because it takes him 5 short moves just to take out the trash after he goes from the recliner, to the toilet, to the couch, to the fridge, then to the garbage, you might be a chessaholic.
• If your spice cabinet is arranged in ranks and files with salt on a1 and pepper on b1, you might be a chessaholic.
• If you've written a horror film screenplay titled "Pawn Chop" under the pen name "Bobby Rookman", you might be a chessaholic.
• If you name your first son "Kasparov" and have no Russian ancestry, don't speak a word of Russian, and have never even met a Russian, you might be a chessaholic.
• During foreplay if you say "mate in 5 minutes, babe" followed by "I'll school you on some superior positions, darlin'", you might be a sleazy cheezy chessaholic.

As a wanna-be member of Chessaholics Anonymous, I must admit that the 1st, 3rd, and last bullets in my list are based on actual events in my life.

If you can't help but think that Bob Seger song is about a couple of teenagers learning to fork....

My little apartment has white 12x12 tiles on the floor, Ive been thinking of painting every other one black....I'm no chessaholic....but then again, I'm probably in denial....

This is hilarious, especially the first line as I am both a weather nerd and chess nerd... lol

Thanks for sharing.