You might not be a chess player if...

You think,it racist to say - you are black.

...you think the horsies are cute.

...you've ever said, "It's just like checkers, right?"

You might not be a chess player if...you have ever called someone a nerd.

...You don't know the starting position of the king and queen.

...you move pawns one square forward only.

...you say "excuse me" when adjusting chess pieces.

... you don't know Magnus Carlsen.

... you think chess players are all smart.

Yes, it's check but please don't call me "mate"

You have an attractive girlfriend...

@ziggy That hurts 

...if after moving you instantly realise your mistake and pick up the piece you placed en prise in order to play something else, asking 'Where was it? Here?' (my brother).

...you disappear from chess.com for years at a time.

....you have a life.

You might not be a chess player if...you have spent more time on the forums than on a board today.

....you spend more time on a keyboard than you do a chess board.