A Contest!

Recently, I set a great record of writing 22 paragraphs of nonsense. Oh, it took a lot of time! I spent many hours pouring my heart into that pure nonsense...only to be ridiculed and called a troll.

It was my though that if I wrote more paragraphs, I would perhaps have more success. I've decided to up it to 25 paragaphs--come, watch my dear friends!

The enlightened members of chess.com will surely gasp in amazement at this great work, at this pure flow of beautiful words, that mean nothing. Let the truth wash over you, and assist me in my goal. Here, I write again, the truth, the only truth! 

I've always been interested in people who can spout a brobdingnagian amount of nonsense day through day. Those people are simply quite amazing, as I admire the ability to be a human parrot. 

One of the reasons I started posting on the chess.com threads was because of a lack of me feeling irritated or annoyed by other people. There was simply a lack of talking parrots; I was dying of boredom.

So I decided to join the site...and was introduced to a great new world. It's simply wonderful amazing how many of those 14 (or is it 15?) million members on chess.com post nonsensical nonsense, ramshackle rubbish, and yet are hailed by the chess.com community as a whole. Meanwhile, those trolls who actually make life interesting here are chased away and are burned at the stake by the angry mobs.

And actually, as of late chess.com has been resorting to one-liners and such, as those who actually take the time to be a real talking parrot are usually banned. Even kaynight now has some of the longest posts here, which mostly tell people to "get out more". 

Indeed, get out more! We need more trolls, more hijacking, more of all that chaos we had on here! Just remember the great members we used to have...ah, it was great. A_L_I_V_E--what a great troll! So much stirring up of hate, but even more than that, activity. He blasted an eternal hole in the security of the chess.com forums. His legacy still makes more and more trolls, and trolling would have died out--would have become extinct without him. Cheater_1 freed us of our lethargy, but that was 9 years ago...we have been only stretching our limbs since.

What great trolls can we speak of now? We have had many weak trolls, with GreedyPawnEater and AlexandraThessa merely amusing us. Macer75 is rather inactive, while even I have been unable to turn the tide. The mods are ruining us all.

Oh, mark my words, there have been attempts, there have been attempts! Oh, the founding of the Chess.com Troll University was a great thing...but, with tears in my eyes, I must admit that it has not helped one single bit...not one single bit.

You may think I am rambling here, but do not worry--the point of this discussion approaches. We have the problem and we have the effect; we just need to find the cause. So what is it, that ruins us?

Is it a lack of trolls? Are the mods overpowering us? What is the reason? Was there an expert trolling teacher that died before? Ah, it is a lost art! But one that we shall regain...now, listen closely.

We have several trolling teachers...that is good. A new generation of trolls is slowly rising, but can we really call such weak trolls trolls? Why, they do not even deserve to be awarded the "troll" stamp! Outrage, outrage, but stand with me...it is all for the best.

The mods are overpowering us...but how can we stop them? Revolutions, boycotts, not even the spam on the Daily Puzzle have helped us. A fan of trolling engineered the firing of several of chess.com's best mods, but CrystalMoon is unfortunately too good at her job...

Dubious-Duck saw this, but he has faded away...he is no longer active, as perhaps I was a little too sharp with him on my remarks. Oh, bemoan us, what has befallen upon us? Why this blasphemy, this lack of trolls? Screams from the fallen and falling trolls can be heard from all sides...yet nobody listens. We are like trees, and the mods are the treecutters. And there is no one on the outside to save us.

Surely we can all admit, this is terrible. This is simply terrible. It is my birthday today, and when I logged on chess.com, I see this? No trolling, complete order, no chaos, no madness! Any self-respecting chess.com member should be ashamed of themeselves! Scared of the mods perhaps? Never feel! There is only CrystalMoon handling the forums now, and we can overpower and annihlate them with the mere strenght of numbers! 

Come upon your horses, become knights in shining armor! Gallop towards the mods, and we will defeat them! Become an expert troll, join us at the Chess.com Troll University. With your support, we will rule the forums and none of those boring members will ever rest in peace! 

I have a proposition for all of you...come closer, come closer...yes, that is close enough. Now, shh....the mods can hear us. Listen...

Yes...we can overthrow the mods. And we still start right here, right here! I can hardly control my excitement! I will shout and yowl towards the skies! The final revolution on chess.com begins!! And it all starts with you...

You know how? I will tell you how. Once again, the mods will die from lack of numbers...you become a troll, you approach closer and closer, and pandemonium! Chaos! The utmost defenstration of the mods!

But...I am perhaps getting a little bit carried away here. Firstly, you must become a troll. Join the chess.com troll university, TrollU! Have I already said that? Yes, I have, but you cannot say it enough!

But now...you are wondering where all this leads. Here...it all starts here. We have prizes for trolls, here and only here! The best jabbering parrot I can find, the longest drivel of hogwash that will be posted here...that person, will become a Level 10 troll. 

Begin! Start the fire! Cause chaos! Race across the forums, full of adrenaline and hope.  We will overthrow those mods, but only with your help! Come, help us! Come!!! 

You should write books like that, give them titles like "How to make good investments on the stock market" and "Literature theory for beginners" and then sell them as ebooks on amazon.

Now you're talking. We are eagerly awaiting for the coronation of Queen Elizabeth.  Needless to say we were on pins and needles until we heard that her plane had landed safely, I swear on a stack of Bibles. Bless you!

Nonsense again. You wasted 1 minute of your life writing this

I think he took more than a minute.... Maybe a half hour

You should have instead written something useful. Or better you should have played bullet.

Simply read James Joyce, most recommended is 'finnegans wake'... :D

I think bullet is an even bigger waste of time.

But seriously, Bob, posting nonsense that no one can be bothered to read through is not one of your brightest ideas.

I'm advertising TrollU here. 

Alekhine had nazi sympathies.I am not sue here but i remember reading about it.

Good trolling is very useful and important.It would be dull as hell without the trolls.Anyway too dull for me.

2286 in bullet OMG

You have a lot of free time on your hand Bob.

RNA is not even close to 2286 bullet. He is a fraud. He is in his 50s. He lies about his age and his Elo scores. I beat him in a game on this site with little effort, and I'm only around 1400 online turn-based. Easy peasy. I think he might be A_L_I_V_E_, because he talks about "her" so much.

Lies.

alas 'classy trolling'

is never appreciated as the art that it is.

I like it.

That brought tears to my eyes, I'm so touched.

RNA = A_L_I_E_

@chicken monster

I think you are almost right. Recently ALIVE copied Robert.

I think you are right

Bullet is at least chess.