be yourself. (uncensored)

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Tomlight
Little things. I should have said and done. I just never took the time.
Tomlight
Okay this idea I don't exist.

I was watching the movie Moana the other day. I loved it. I think I was the only person there crying though. Ridiculous really.

My daughter thinks it's great there are positive role models in these movies. Women you know.

I think she's right. Go women!

Anyway I had a thought there I would like to share with you guys.

By the way Ed. If you read this. Blyth! Not Blythe!
Tomlight
And you're always there. To lend a hand. In everything I do.
Tomlight
anyway I watched this movie, which was great, and it was talking about life I guess.

You know the ocean, flowers growing, the stars.

I thought I talk about nature like it's nothing.

But nature has power. Force.

I mean we can talk about what we can achieve. How strong we are.

Think of nature's power.
Tomlight
I'm listening to just can't rely on you. Sexy. She's terrific right paloma! Such rhythm.
Tomlight
I suppose I've stripped away all belief. All subjectivity. Almost adopted a nihilist's approach. Only believing in nature.

But it hasn't left me happy. I guess because I've left myself with an empty view. I basically currently believe in nothing.
Tomlight
Put on your crisps white shirt. I'll wear the bright red skirt.
Tomlight
It's hard to concentrate. Paloma is being all sexy. Mouth to mouth. Wow.
Tomlight
But something does exist you know. Incredible force incredible power. Like wow!
Tomlight
Give me mouth to mouth!
Tomlight
Anyway. Maybe that's what's wrong. Why my view is making me unhappy. I need to acknowledge what does actually exist.

Start from the position of nothing where I'm currently at and build up objectively.

It's clearly ridiculous to say all that exists is chemicals and cells.

That's like saying all I can see is colours.
Tomlight
Take me take me. She's so racy. Paloma what's your view on life? I like being taken in a lift! Yeah!
Tomlight
Oh bit racy hmm. Maybe I shouldn't write here when listening to paloma. It's my first time having her on my iPad too.

I've so much music. Hooray! For ever I have had one of two albums. I have loads now! Hooray!
Tomlight
You know there are so many forms of life.
Tomlight
I think I can see why I'm sad now. I've accepted my life is finite and I'm grieving my own passing. I'm sure that's it. I'm suffering bereavement.
Tomlight
I really like this one direction song. Night changes. It's really pretty. Twinkling music.
Tomlight
Everything that you've ever dreamed of, disappearing when you wake up.
Tomlight
I suppose holding the view that your life is finite will bring you sadness.

But then believing that truly there is no you is believing that you've already died in a way and I suppose it's inevitable and natural to mourn your own passing!

I need to see a bereavement counsellor as I'm mourning my own passing. For eff's sake!
Tomlight
It's funny how one thing affects another. We people sure are strange.
Tomlight
I've certainly found the online experience bewildering at times.

But then relating in general absolutely baffles me.

I haven't a clue about people or what to say at times.

Social interaction is something of a mystery to me at times.