Bird Attacks (roleplay)

*opens one package and grabs 3. Runs away*

*birds take me and fly away

"Yeah! You're on!" *I quickly begin demolishing the next package.*

“I STORE OREOS INSIDE MY BODY, YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY THEM!”

*The birds fly in and go straight for the oreo packages...Two seconds latter...NO MORE OREOS!* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*I grab the rest of the food supplies and retreat to the basement.*

Guys......just shoot them

*I pull out a lap top* "Now to spend that money I got on the dark web to buy guns, ammo, ect..." *I resist the urge to press the minecraft icon, and pull up ebay. I scroll a little, looking for shotguns, birdshot... I accidently hit the wrong tab, and pull up my last order from Walmart+.* "OREOS?" *I look off dreamily, and shake myself.* "No! I have to be responsible..........." *I almost go back to the ebay tab with the guns...* "OREOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *Laughing manically, I fill my Walmart+ cart with $I,000,0000,000 worth of Oreos, all of the money I got from "selling" you all, and everything else on the dark web. I am about to confirm the transaction...*

Bump

"What is happening!!!!!!" *I frown slightly as I come back to my senses.* "Oh, thanks for stopping me from being stupid." *I look slightly embarrassed, and go back to ebay.* "Ok, I have to go to Texas to pick up 2 shot guns, a flame thrower, 5 M17 assault rifles, 1 M60 machine gun, and 10 tons worth of assorted ammo." *I shake my head.* "How am I going to bring all of this back up here..." *I pause to shred up some bird with a chain saw from the garage, and barricade the door to the basement.* "How am I supposed to get to Texas in the first place!!!!" *I Slap myself in the face.* "Suddenly a hawk that survived in the basement slams me in the temple and knocks me out...* 

bump!

I fire my m1911 through the hawk just as a Russian missile explodes outside and get the ammo to the basement as the tv declares norad level 1 as nuclear war is imminent

*I wake up feeling terrible and acting like I have a hangover. After stumbling around for an unknown amount of time, I hop back on my lap top, and pay "Apocalypse Movers" to transport my guns and ammo from Texas.*

*I see the nuclear war warnings.* "Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse..." *I violently through my laptop into a cluster of birds.* "Why is there a stinking nuclear war!!!" *I stumble over to Calvin's gaming computer.* "Let me guess!" *I order 2 brand new gaming computers, and try to kick the one that I was using. However, when I looked at it, I saw 5 computers, and kicked the wrong one. I fell on my face with a thud, and rolled over painfully.* "Let me guess, Putin thinks Trump doesn't put enough cream in his tea, and chose to resolve the problem by shooting missiles at the U.S." *I stumble to my feet, laughing in a slightly unhinged manner. I sway a little, take two steps forward, and collapse.*

I then run the bird through an ai scanner as ICBMs launch”these birds are from Russia and Iran. It’s global war. Also, we’re lucky I built a fallout shelter.”

TV: NUCLEAR BOMBS ARE ARRIVING IN TEN MINUTES. GET IN YOUR BASEMENTS OR SAFE ROOMS IMMEDIATELY.

Ten minutes later: civilization is wiped out in a nuclear holocaust

*Everything is a blur. I groan and get up to my feet. Truthfully, I am feeling a lot better. I look around, and everything starts to clear up. though a screen in Calvin's bunker/basement, I see the nuclear wasteland, that just 2 minutes ago was the beautiful green word that I knew and loved...Loved?...Nah not that much, but it was still much better than the sordid black ash heap that I saw through the screen.* "Looks like they made the world into a giant model of my uncle's ash tray!" *I wasn't very funny, but, hell, some at least had to try to lighten the atmosphere... I frown.* "New York is gone..."

*Some how, that didn't help me realize the gravity of the situation.* "America is gone."