Corrupt a Wish

Granted, but it's only a tiny bit faster.

I wish I had a pet cat.

Granted. Your pet cat is... ME!

I wish I was RedKNight's pet cat.

Granted. You're RK's pet cat. Be prepared to be spayed/neutered.

I wish everybody adopted a pet.

Granted. Some adopt smaller-animal-eating canines and felines, which eat all the other adopted pets, get sick, and die. No more pets.

I wish I could never become sick.

Granted. You die.

I wish I could deduct things like Sherlock Holmes.

Granted you have the prowess of Sherlock Holmes.....when it comes to predicting the weather that is going to happen in the next 5 seconds.

I wish we could explore the galaxy like in the TV series Star Trek.

Granted! But we discover an object something of extreme power on some distant planet so civil war breaks out and the human race is eliminated.

I wish I could eradicate evil.

Granted, as a side effect everything considered less than extremely good is "evil".

I wish that I was better at chess.

Granted.... you are now 1.0 point better tactically.. then you were "a few minutes ago"

I wish catching fish was easier.

Granted, it takes less skill. However, it also takes 5 times as long.

I wish I had an expensive car.

Granted...you are now the proud owner of an expensive"collectable"....1972...hotwheel

I wish a certain mysteries member didn't close her account

Granted. She didn't close her account. She was banned.

I wish i could cook delicious food in an instant.

Granted but only if this delicious food has macaroni and cheese in its name.

I wish I had a million bucks with enough land for them to graze on.

Granted. "Them" turns out to be chupacabras, and the land entirely surrounds you and your home. Any piece of meat (including you) that happens to cross their land gets devoured.

I wish i had a pet chupacabra that obeyed me.

Granted, and you were upset with your wife and before you knew it the beasts devoured her and you blame your own toughts for it.

I wish i could wish what i would really want to wish.

Granted you lose your favorite position and you really want it back.

I wish I had a car that told me how fast I was driving on a digital dash board.

Granted, but you drove too fast and crashed.

I wish I could be invisible.

Granted.  You would be invisible except for your......behind?  I wanted to say somethingelse but then I don't want to lose my membership.

I wish there were 48hours in a day (working no more than 8hours)