what are we? (8 til 9 am)

Ah. Interesting . Can I ask you Estren what do you think about my documenting what I see when I'm mindful ? I'll go into some detail so that you can make an informed decision .

Okay so this is how it started . I was extremely compulsive . Extremely confused . I knew that my mind wasn't working correctly . So I thought okay I'll watch what's going on .

I did this for quite a while and got nowhere . Then this behavioural phycologist said to me this I how a disorder works and he showed me a diagram . I thought eureka! I'll start mapping like you would when exploring a city .

We all need to restrict our minds. Otherwise the thoughts will run all over place, producing nothing but emptiness and fatigue. It's important to avoid certain thoughts, like when we feel humiliated or hurt. The mind will keep thinking about it, if its allowed to, which makes the feeling stronger. It's a viscious circle, because the thoughts will keep returning to the same issue, thinking it's important.

In short: You need to say no to your thoughts. You need to see past that endless stream of nonsense. Stay in the moment. Walk the dog, and let go of thoughts.

So what I'm doing then is just observing my mind , my thoughts and feelings , hoping to see where things are going wrong so I can correct them .

I do this for so long and finally I realise that it's choice that matters . For without choice we have no control . I started to look out for choices that I experienced .

Then I came across how our mind works in relation to when we experience a problem . We get options . Don't do anything . Choose to solve . Choose not to solve . Decide unable to solve .

How we react affects how our minds work .

I found when I chose not to solve I began to feel much less stressed and actually began to see things much more clearly .

Estren thank you . I'm just going to finish describing my journey then I'll read

What you have stated earlier, and which I fully agree with, is the idea that we are not our thoughts. Question is, why do you then emphasize your thoughts so much?

So after realising this I continually chose not to solve and climbed a ladder of sorts .

I found the more I just let the problems go the clearer my thinking . I saw that it was the trying to solve the problem that was leading me to become agitated and stressed , paranoid and compulsive , and that was a vicious circle .

I found in not worrying the vicious circle broke .

It's probably good for your OCD to avoid choosing so much. But you shouldn't allow your thoughts to run free, because the thoughts will take over your awareness. Stay in the moment. Dismiss your thoughts. Keep at it, and you will get results.

So after that I came to the point I am at now where I am no longer compulsive and no longer obsessive . I actually am mindful and I believe I'm more or less in a healthy state of mind .

I have about ten pages I've kept which summarise what I learner but it all can be captured simply as when you experience a choice whether or not to solve a problem (mentally I mean) choose not to solve .

Okay Estren there's where I'm up to in terms of how I document my experience in terms of seeing what's happening with a view to being healthy .

Now to describe what's going on in terms of my documenting in relation to what we are and this thread .

Estren I will fully respond and grateful. I'm painting you the full picture though . Thank you

You don't have to paint me the full picture. I've read your statements many times on several threads. Let it go.

So when I just observe , I see my mind creating these problems , I choose not to solve and then I see my mind solving these problems .

Generally I no longer document . I don't document what I see or the problems or solutions that my mind creates.

I'd learned basically how to be healthy minded and how to find peace . How to be mindful .

Now here's the thing . I was thrilled that I have actually made such progress through being mindful and I was really curious about some of the things that I saw when I was .

The biggest thing is that I saw we naturally love . We don't have to try . That was an integral part of me letting go of the ritualistic compulsive behaviour .

Anyway I started threads here talking about what I have found and how I am interested.

It occurred to me that I could again start documenting but this time observe my consciousness , my mind , not to see what was going wrong but rather to see what it is that I am .

I've found that as I look my mind is creating and solving problems in relation to what it is that I am .

When I post here a problem and a solution I'm not really talking to you as I am now.

I'm just showing you the problems and solutions my mind has come up with .

I say my mind but it's more like I myself see the picture and my mind just puts things into words that can be recorded .

The English language you know .


Anyway that's about it . My question was is it healthy in your opinion to document what your mind is doing when you are mindful ? Is it useful ?

I know the meditators will say that thought isn't useful .

Anyway I've tried my best to capture what I wondered for you .

Always a pleasure to see you and I enjoy having you on my journey with me .

You are a gentleman .

Finished anyway ! Maybe it was for me you know , clearing up how things have been.

I genuinely don't know whether or not the documenting what I see when I'm mindful is useful or healthy . I wondered what you thought

Okay I've read your comments . I'll reply .

yes how to be happy with OCD ? what are we ? impatient to get the solution

Well actually my friend how I stay in the moment is by choosing not to solve . I don't have to do it very often really . The problems I conceive aren't that frequent . It happens more when I'm not engaged in an activity .

I don't notice my thinking patterns generally really , I only notice when I conceive a problem . That's what I look out for I suppose .

I remember that I feel lonely and isolated sometimes . You know I think well maybe that's because I'm having these unhealthy thoughts that you mention and dwelling on them . Maybe .

I generally find though I think that if I don't concentrate on problems but if I let them go then I stay in the moment and don't obsess .

Anyway I think that you are making a point that it may be neither unhealthy nor healthy to document what I see when I'm mindful but rather that perhaps it might be useful to moderate that time .

Thank you for your advice and I'll keep an eye on it .

Meditation is about seeing thoughts as they arise and, without clinging, seeing the same thoughts go away. It useful to keep the breath as an anchor. Eventually the thoughts will stop coming, and a more peaceful awareness will arise.

But honestly, Tom: can you even count one breath without being interrupted by thoughts?

better being interrupted by thoughts than by emptyness just writing

Estren 180 . I'm not at all sure what we are . I guess you are right that we aren't our thoughts. Why emphasise them?

I don't know ! I enjoy expressing myself I suppose . If you're making the point that talking won't lead to insight I agree . I just like the company really .

The documenting the problems and solutions my mind creates is different . I genuinely think it's possible I'll come to the truth that way . I think a lot of the things I'm capturing make a lot of sense .

We'll see .

Estren you'd honestly be amazed . I genuinely am a very mindful person .

I understand why it's hard to believe but all I can give you in evidence is that I'm constantly friendly here on the threads as you yourself are . That's because I genuinely do let go .

I found your description of mediation beautiful .

Let me ask you though . You say let go of thoughts . Isn't the only way we attach to a thought by trying to understand either the thought or the idea behind it ?

I just think without trying to solve or understand we can't attach .

I wonder if I'm meditating . I have an anchor in that I look out for problems and solutions . I don't know if I'm meditating or not .