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Poems I Wrote :)

This is some work I had to do for a school assignment. Enjoy!

 


Hardship Pays Off

  I start my life on the earth                                                                              

 But get abandoned from my very birth                                                           

 As I crawl on the ground                                                                                 

 With barely any sound                                                                                     

I stay there for days and days to come                                                                                                                     

  With hardship and pain,                                                                                 

  I grow myself on a plain                                                                                 

  Eventually with my vision and smell,                                                           

  I sense a small baby gazelle                                                                             

  Tloc, tloc, tloc                                                                                                 

 

  I get ready to attack my prey                                                                   

  Later on that wonderful day                                                                       

  I move back, take a few strides                                                                     

  And pounce onto the creatures sides                                                           

  I then kill it off and eat it's inside

   

 After my first meal, in days                                                                             

  I walk down a beautiful hill in amaze                                                             

  After days or so, I reach my destination                                                         

 Slowly, I climb a tree to rest                                                                           

 And ponder on my recent quest

 

Mother and Foal

 SNAP!!!                                                                                                           

 I suddenly wake up from my deep sleep                                                        

 I look outside and see a dark figure run                                                          

 I immediately go outside to get to my green jeep                                        

  While doing so I also grab my good gun.

 I start the vehicle and chase after it                                                               

 I drive for just one street                                                                                

 But weirdly reach a huge pit                                                                           

 Withought hesitation, I get out of my seat                                                     

 Grab my keys and get past it.                                                                                   

 After a while I manage to overcome the hindrance                          

 But then reach a small white fence                                                                

 I jump over the obstuction and see something far beyond                             

 Once again I run to investigate whilst passing a pond.                                                                       

Surprisingly I see something very pleasing                                                     

 There in the midst of the darkness

 I see a mother zebra feeding its child                                                          

 Immediately, I put down my gun and smile

 I then slowly walked away                                                                              

 Later on that chilly day                            

 

 

 


Comments


  • 23 months ago

    clinttherakam

    No problem, I also tidied a few odd sounding sentences in the poem to make it better. 

  • 23 months ago

    frr

    Love the mother and foal. Thanks for te poem

  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    And if you would like, i'll post the other 3 poems..

  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    I liked it as well but it does give the story away...then again it is just a short poem...

    Yeah I am confused as to which would be better. 

  • 2 years ago

    ubertyce

    mmm... i liked the Mother and Foal better, but thats just my opinion

  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    I just fixed up the onto, thanks for pointing it out :)

    Also the title for second poem has changed, is it better?

  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    Oh no, unlike my story this is some work from last year. But thanks to your feedback I shall make sure I look out for those things when I next write a poem. For the 1212 - 1122, rhyming, I randomly did that I guess and some of the ending sentences I was not able to get any rhyming :(

    :) I am glad this was last year's work...still have a lot to improve!

  • 2 years ago

    ubertyce

    I remember when I had to write poems at school. unlike yours, mine sucked big time xD

     

    btw, i think it should be pounced 'onto' the ... instead of pounced 'on to'...

     

    Also, not that im trying to pick holes in your poetry, but just in case you havnt handed these in yet, the 2nd poem seems to change rhyming schemes. it starts of as:

     

    1

    2

    1

     

    then becomes

    1

    1

    2

    2

     

    with something different inbetween.

  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 2 years ago

    clinttherakam

    [COMMENT DELETED]
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