your favorite garbage opening

My  favorite garbage opening is the Cactus Attack. 

1. Nf3  e6   can easily transpose into a normal opening.

For example, 2. e4 c5 Sicilian   or 2. d4  d5 any of many Q-pawn openings

2. g3  g5

The best move now is hard to see over the board.

b3!!!!

If someone can still win with 1. f3 e5 2. g4 ... with white, I offer him a new chess set

I won with that. Casual game, but pretty funny nonetheless. The reaction on my opponents face though.... noobs :)

Most of the openings listed here as grabage are playable main lines. The Dutch, Latvian Gambit, Cochran Gambit? Those are all top knotch openings. Back when the ICC was first started it was rumored that Bobby Fischer, using all types of handles was playing...wait for it...1.f3, 2.Kf2!!?? Now that's garbage!!! New In Chess magazine, probably the greatest and most serious chess magazine ever, reported that GM Nigel Short (who was rated in the top 5 at the time) lost to Fischer playing this. Anytime I encounter someone rated lower than 1200, I play 1.f3 2.Kf2, and have never lost. "Garbage players deserve to be served garbage!!!"

Nigel has a penchant for exaggeration and embellishment.

The Latvian isn't even top notch against 1200 players outside of blitz..cochrane maybe. Grob > Latvian though.

Ah, nobody mentioned the Grob!

While it has a very bad reputation, if you go against a strong player you'll be a bit better but the game is not going to win itself.