Chess Limericks

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #1


    Chess Limericks


    There once was a Glaswegian master

    Whose endgames were always disaster,

    So he sacced a rook

    To get out of book

    And lost in no time to a patzer.


    There once was a chessplayer from Greenock

    Who found that when he played his knees knocked;

    The whole board would quiver,

    So great were his shivers,

    And he was penalised with time docked.


    There once was a master from Cadiz

    Who thought he was a match for Deep Fritz;

    The comp was so good

    He vowed that he should

    Just play drunks for beer money at blitz.


    There once was a player who castled

    Straight into a furious assault.

    Pins, windmills and sacs

    Made up the attacks,

    But met with calm and his skill dazzled.


    There is just one line in the Dragon

    Which has all my defences undone:

    Yugoslav attack

    Has me on the rack,

    Makes me play other sicilians.


    There once was a little chess cafe

    Where locals would invite you to play.

    I think it's still there,

    In Amsterdam fair,

    The wonderful Gambit Chess Cafe.


    There is an instructive queen sac mate,

    Where black's king gets smothered at h8:

    You play double check,

    He goes “What the heck?”

    As the queen drops in, but it's too late.


    There once was a novice from Parkhead

    Who let me play what I dream in bed:

    With pawns on g4

    And f3, no chore

    Is it to imagine what I played.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #2


    No great literary masterpieces any of them, just had the notion today and came up with them on my breaks at work, feel free to ridicule or add your own.  Any idiot can write limericks, although I confess I have disobeyed the cardinal rule which is that they should either be filthy or funny or both.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #3


    There once was a chess player who sucked, and sucked, and sucked, I mean really  sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #4


    Hmm.  9 syllables, 9 syllables, 5 syllables, 5 syllables, 9 syllables - make lines 1,2 and 5 rhyme together and lines 3 and 4 rhyme together.  A little bit more structured next time woodshover, first effort.

  • 4 years ago · Quote · #5


    I thought it was pure genius.

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