Laughter is the best medicine
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Have you heard of a band called 1023 MB?
Of course not! They haven't made any gigs yet!
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side!
BillPhilip wrote:
Only in America... football is played with hands!
also Canada!
Why did the spy cross the road?
Because he never really was on your side.
GET IT??? :D
An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Why is it you can never find the composer of "Trumpet Concerto in Eb Major?" ..... wait for it ....... because he's Haydn.
P.S. Sorry I didn't warn everybody to "hold onto your chair when you read this!" ... I'm sure a bunch of you just got badly injured from falling off your chairs laughing, after you read that last one! ... I'll precede my next knee-slapper with a warning ... 
!
Five excuses for not doing your maths homework:
- I accidentally divided by zero, and my paper burst into flames.
- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook, but I could never actually reach it.
- I have a calculator powered with solar energy, but it was cloudy that day.
- I locked the paper in my trunk, but then a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
- I couldn't figure out whether i am the square root of -1 or i is the square root of -1.
Might just work...
Love the "can't actually reach the textbook" one -- also the mobius strip one. I gotta laugh thinking about that chicken trying to get to the other side and never getting there -- because he doesn't understand what a mobius strip is! Oh, those chickens -- are they intellectually limited or what?!
motherinlaw wrote:
Love the "can't actually reach the textbook" one -- also the mobius strip one. I gotta laugh thinking about that chicken trying to get to the other side and never getting there -- because he doesn't understand what a mobius strip is! Oh, those chickens -- are they intellectually limited or what?!
Probably, yes. I think chickens are intellectually limited when compared to humans.
But then again, I've seen people who are probably even worse than chickens. I occasionally watch this series of documentaries on National Geographic called "Science of Stupid". It is an excellent way to lose hope on Humanity.
Another is to spend two minutes on the Internet, counting how many misused pairs of "it's"/"its" or "you're"/"your" or "there"/"their"/"they're" you see. My gosh! I'm not a native English speaker, but I sometimes I feel that I can speak and write in English better than the average English native speaker!
A man put out a classified ad that read, "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred responses all saying the same thing: "You can have mine."
