Chess player plays 600 games simultaneously, loses every one

David Jonber set a new world record for playing 600 games of chess simultaneously. He also broke the record for most games lost in a single day, all 600.

"Wow" Jonber was quoted as saying, "What a thrill. This is especially exciting as I have only been playing chess for about a week or so. I never thought I would break two world records on the same day."

Officials have been scrutinizing the record for adherence to rules which stipulate that opponents must be "sentient beings." It was thought that several of Jonber's opponents were babies or simply photographs of people.

"No way" said the record setter. "These were all legit. I earned this record. That five year old I played made some real moves on me. I was like "Whoa dude, where'd you get that one?!"

Jonber said he had hoped to win a few of the games, and was "really close with that old dude" who he said had "nodded off."

Then he added "I hope he nodded off."