The 8 Rules of Chess Club

If you've ever seen the movie Fight Club, you know about the eight rules of Fight Club. It turns out that those rules can be adapted pretty well to chess. If you've never seen the movie, the original lines are as follows, courtesy of Wikiquote.org:

"The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight."

So, during school today I edited the rules of Fight Club into the rules of Chess Club. Enjoy!

The 8 rules of Chess Club

1. You do speak about Chess Club.

• Chess is not a secret, illegal event. Feel free to discuss it with your friends, family, the police, the CIA, the KGB, etc. (Yes, I know the KGB doesn't exist anymore)

2. You do speak about Chess Club. 

• In case you didn't get it the first time.

 3. Someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the game is not over.

•  If someone were to go limp during a game, the proper course of action is to first call the TD and an ambulance, then make your move and hit the clock. Your opponent is probably trying to distract you.

 4. Only two guys (and/or girls) to a match.

• Seriously, no one likes kibitzers. Unless you are given express permission (from both players!) to do otherwise, you should keep your mouth shut. If you don't, you may end up being stabbed by angry players wielding bishops and kings.

5. One game at a time, fellas.

• Unless you're either at least at expert level or so, simuls are probably a bad idea. Bughouse is as close to an exception there is, although in my experience, most 'good' players tend to hate it with a burning passion.

6. No shirt, no shoes, no service.

• Unless, of course, you are playing chess at the beach, in which case you can probably get away with it.

7.  Games may or may not go on as long as they need to.

• 'Real' games are, of course, timed, so they cannot go on forever. Even if you include time-delay, the batteries don't last forever, now do they? Friendly games, on the other hand, can theoretically go on for quite a long time, but common courtesy says that you should move in a timely fashion. Chess Club, after all, is not correspondence chess.

8. If this is your first time at Chess Club, you really should play.

• If it's a school club, it's kind of expected that you are there to play chess. If it's a public club, you may be mistaken for a stalker, or, even worse, a complete and total beginner. If you are a complete and total beginner,consider learning to play chess, or at least ask someone who seem competent to teach you, so you aren't mistaken for a stalker.