I remember when I was younger I used to read bodybuilding magazines like "Muscle and Fitness" and "Flex."
And even though it was difficult for me, I would go to the gym and lift weights.
One article that always stood out to me from reading those magazines was where a bodybuilder/trainer wrote about how guys would come in to the gym trying to get started with a weightlifting routine.
They would talk about their physical fitness goals and what they wanted to do and they'd preface it by saying, "I don't want to look like a bodybuilder." The trainer would always chuckle a bit and say, "Don't worry."
I think about that a lot lately when I'm playing chess and toodling around this website.
I don't necessarily want to play like a grandmaster. If nothing else, because I know I won't. Why desire to be something I'll never do.
I'm a little unsure how good I want to be or if I even want to be "good," however you define it.
I'd been bored lately and signed up for several tournaments not knowing when they would start or what they would be like. A while back, I actually won a tournament on this site - a beginner's tournament.
Now, I find myself in the midst of my longest losing streak ever on this website.
My rating has gone down about 100 points or so, not that I care that much. I feel like ratings are kind of arbitrary because a person could seek out games only against lower-rated players and boom their rating would skyrocket.
I've played games against players rated two or three hundred points higher than me on this sight and felt like I had a good chance to win.
But mostly, I just play for fun, although I do enjoy learning some basic principles and practicing tactics.
I don't know that I'd ever want to play in a tournament in real life.
But some of my best memories in life have been playing chess with my friends.
I don't have much of a point. Just talking out loud and wondering how close I am to being completely burned out or how much losing takes out of me.
I always hear that you learn the most from losing and playing people better than you. If that's the case, I must be learning a lot right now.