Tilting: Mental Health and Anger Management

Chess should be safe and fun for everyone and this includes recognizing when anger may be affecting your health and preventing you from enjoying chess.com.  Too many people get angry and frustrated and this is preventing them from improving at chess.

It's normal for people to feel anger.  Everyone expresses anger differently.  Knowing how to recognize and express anger in appropriate ways can help you reach goals, solve problems and improve at chess.

If you experience any of the following, you might be getting angry and you should do something about it before you write that next comment in the off-topic forum, throw your mouse at the wall, rage quit, accuse your opponent of cheating or trash a hotel room.

• An uncomfortable or churning feeling in your stomach
• Tightness in your chest
• An increased and rapid heartbeat
• Your legs go weak
• Tense muscles
• Unable to relax
• You feel hot
• You have an urge to go to the toilet
• Sweating
• Headaches or tension in your head or eyes
• Shaking or trembling
• Dizziness
• Grinding your teeth
• Resentment towards other people or situations
• Easily irritated
• Overwhelmed
• Like you can't control yourself

Recognizing these signs will help you respond better and avoid doing or saying something you may not mean to.  This can be very difficult in the moment.  The earlier you recognize these feelings of anger the easier it may be to manage.

1. Take a timeout.

• Stop doing whatever it is that is making you feel angry
• Close your eyes and take several deep breaths
• Your blood sugars might be low.  Have a snack and/or a drink.
• Watch a silly cat or fail video (or do whatever will make you laugh)
• Take your aggression out by playing chess with the Martin-Bot
• Play longer time controls and/or unrated games to reduce potential stress or anxiety while playing chess

2. Think before speaking.

• Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and will likely lead to ELO loss if you continue to play chess while angry
• Don’t react by instantly accusing your opponent of cheating
• Don't react by saying something hurtful or hateful to make others feel anger
• It's ok to cry
• Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal
• Reflect on any loss. Review the game and focus on learning what you can do better next time.

3. Be physically active.  Physical activity releases endorphins that relieve stress and can help manage anger. 

• Go for a walk or run
• Go to the gym or workout
• Clean your room

4. Know when to ask for help. You do not have to deal with anger by yourself. Seek professional help from a trained psychiatrist or psychologist at your school, workplace or community health services for anger issues if you believe it is out of control.

I'd like to thank the following people for some suggestions in the list above: @alexx.

About AwesomeAtti: I have been a user on chess.com for over 10 years.   I am a volunteer moderator at chess.com, not a paid employee. You can find my chess blog at https://www.chess.com/blog/AwesomeAtti.  The views and opinions expressed in my blog are my own and not chess.com's.