how to play a bad chess game

the existence of one or two of these in your games does not signify a bad game, but many checkmarks do.

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Always move the same piece. It is of course more reasonable to be extremely talented at moving one piece, rather than being "okay" at moving many. After all, jack of all trades means master of none.

Keep the king safe in the endgame. Every check it occurs deals psychological damage, and enough checks will force you to resign the game. Since the endgame is so open, you must take extra care not to let your king be checked.

Always play the check if you see one. Checks are always good because it forces your opponent to do something about it. Therefore you should always play the check if you see one. Fret not about other options.

Refuse trading queens when being attacked. If you trade queens, your X factor for winning goes down tremendously. The queen can create many tricks on the board, so you need it to utilize counter-tactics to defend.

Refuse to move more than two pawns in the opening phase of the game. Every pawn moved is a piece not moved, why would you ever want to move a pawn? Philidor says pawns are the soul of chess, but his opening is garbage, why would you listen to him.

You should always trade pieces whenever you see the opportunity to. Trading pieces gives you a feeling of progress, that you're actually doing something rather than sitting on your hands unsure of what to play. It's just the natural progression of the game. 

Put your rooks in front of your passed pawns. By putting them in front, you can pull your pawn towards the queening square and prevent the opponent from controlling the queening square. 

Pretend you are playing stockfish every game, so you must make perfect decisions every move. Of course you cannot trade your bishop for his knight, because bishops are worth 0.05 more than knights. In 45 moves, your opponent will punish you with his bishop that can control two queening squares, making your knight struggle to stay relevant.

Ask your opponent to help you win the game. If I make the move, and if my opponent does this very clearly questionable move, then I win! So my move must be good. I will play this move.

Never make a plan. After all, the opponent who does not have a plan cannot be predicted by the opponent. 

Force threaten mate in one whenever you can. Of course it takes three moves to set up the bishop on c2 and the queen on d3 to threaten h7 mate. Of course he can just block this threat with a pawn move. But what if he didn't? Then I'd have outplayed him. Obviously I must try to set up mate in one.

Play the French defense, exchange variation (either color).

Never try to prevent the enemy's ideas. Your ideas are better, he should worry about preventing yours. 

はい、そうです。It's just the natural order of things. What can we feeble beings do against the behemoth of natural order?