Mental Toughness: 3 Tips I'm Doing To Become More Resilient In Handling Defeats

"The core of mental toughness is actually self-compassion. People who are mentally tough stay mentally tough because they don't slip easily into shame or self-criticism or self-loathing. - Brené Brown" 

Have you ever cheered yourself up like you would do for a friend?

It took me more than a decade to appreciate the importance of being my own cheerleader.

Before I met a sports psychologist, my self-talk was very negative. Some examples included:
- You idiot!
- It is so obvious, why didn't you see it?
- Do you even know how to play this game?

However, I implemented several mental frameworks and techniques this year to practice being more self-compassionate. Here are my top three tips:

1. Homework For Life

I came across the concept of Homework For Life in Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks. The idea is to write down one event every day that makes the day unique. I have my own twist on this. I journal anything positive chess-related, no matter how big or small. 

Here are some examples:
-  I played a rapid tournament and learned a new idea in the Reti opening
-  A student mentioned that they found a lot of value in the lesson, and that made me happy. 
-  A student won first place in his interclass tournament.  

Whenever I am feeling low, looking back at the things I wrote months back really helps lift my mood. 

2. Celebrate small wins 

Shifting my attention away from purely the result to other parts of the game has not only made it easier to forgive myself, but made me a better learner too. Some of the things I consider a win include:

- Having the opportunity to analyse a game with my opponent 
- Understanding the solution to puzzles if I get it wrong
- Always trying my best no matter what the result
- Learning new ideas which I apply to my games (even when it is not successful)

And on the top and the easiest to forget too, a chance to play another game. 

3. Catching and challenging negative self-talk  

Similar to the Homework for Life, I use Obsidian to journal and challenge any negative self-talk I catch myself having. I follow the 5-Why Framework.  

Here is an example:

You are so blind and cannot see any tactics.
1. Why can't I see any tactics?

Because I missed the two opportunities I had in this game.
2. Why did I miss those two opportunities?

Because I played too quickly
3. Why did I play quickly in those moments?

Because I only checked the forcing moves as candidates without going deeper
4. Why didn't I check anything else apart from the forcing moves?

Because it was a rapid game and I was trying to be practical.

From "I'm so blind" to "That was a rapid game and I was trying to be practical". The latter is a lot more forgiving, and it helps me accept losses and learn from them a lot quicker.