Boston Bombers will Explode
(Beat Reporter: Mark LaRocca)
You know, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode… and when I do, I write my next blurb for the blog… Hey, maybe they should call them blurbs, instead of blogs. Makes more sense to me… Anyway, you rack your noggin, trying to get some idea of who is going to win, and who will draw, and how your team, ie., da Blitz, will be able to win this one and then the match happens… and poof!… you look like an idiot.
Well, I tell you, this week I am predicting a Blitz explosion… not just their heads… no, they will wipe out the L.A. Vibe, leaving only nuclear waste in their wake… yep… I am predicting a (4 – 0) whitewash of a very tough opponent. Truth is, I am doing this without thinking, obviously, and just blurting out this nonsense in order to avoid those painful headaches that arise from actual thoughtful analysis. How would I know about thoughtful analysis you ask? Simple… I have read through other blogs and seen it done.
Ok, here’s the skinny on my process… The Blitz ( (2 – 3) on the season) are White against the Los Angeles Vibe ( (1 – 4) on the season) … Vibe? Don’t you just hate those teams with singular last names… I mean really…. shouldn’t it be Vibes? Now, before you get upset… Blitz is plural… just a lexicalization mechanism… but, I’ll explain that in a later lecture. So, that was my first strike against them. Then, I thought to myself (how else), there are good vibes, and bad vibes, but there are no Vibe… strike two… Then, they are making us play at 9 pm EST… 9pm!!... just so these guys have time to get home from work, kick their shoes off… relax and have a nice dinner… and show up ready to play chess. And that, my friends, was the final straw. Unwittingly, they have already blundered and allowed the Blitz to party until game time. With that in mind, I realized that this would limit the Blitz Bombers (aka. BB) thinking processes and, therefore, guarantee victory.
So there you have it… I guarantee a Blitz sweep! Although the two teams seem rating comparable (2367 to 2355 in favor of the BB), I am putting my reputation on the line, in support of the following lineup.
SM Sammour-Hasbun (BOS) GM Khachiyan (LA)
IM Kiewra (LA) IM Zierk (BOS)
NM Martirosov (BOS) WGM Abrahamyan (LA)
Korba (LA) Hanks (BOS)
And now for something completely different, Deep Thoughts…
SM Jorge Sammour-Hasbun (BOS) vs GM Melikset Khachiyan (LA) – Board 1
Jorge has been in a sour mood since his week 4 (time trouble affected) loss to GM Chirila. But, there will be no time trouble here. Another effect of the LA Blunder… starting at 9 pm. Let’s say 1.e4… and now, GM Khachiyan is quite versatile… But, whether a dragon, or e6 Sicilian, I say White sacs a Knight on e6 and BOOM!! (1 – 0)
IM Keaton Kiewra (LA) vs IM Steven Zierk (BOS) – Board 2
So, if you thought I knew nothing about board 1, please close your eyes for this prediction. Just so you know, my extensive research (google) shows that these two did meet before in USCL play, week 1, 2010, when Steven was playing for SF (these mercenaries), but, he was white and so, no help here. Let me predict 1. e4 e6 with an early e5, a move 26 sac on e5 and BOOM! (2 – 0)
NM Vadim Martirosov (BOS) vs WGM Tatev Abrahamyan (LA) – Board 3
Alright, I admit, this one has me worried. Only because I expect a King’s Indian, and usually, it is Black who has the sacrifices. But, I am confident… maybe Vadim sacs a piece on move 32 for two pawns on the queen side and BOOM! (3 – 0)…. Simple as that.
Nicky Korba (LA) vs Joel Hanks (BOS) – Board 4
This was an easy pick for me… Having seen 1.e4 d5 from Joel, I would say there is no way he will repeat this… one of the easiest openings in the world, no the universe, to get an advantage against as White… especially, with time to prepare. So, I am guessing 1.e4 e5 and a Ruy Lopez Marshal gambit with two sacs by Black on f3 and g3 and BOOM! (4 – 0)
Now you know everything I know… you have the inside scoop. The fuse is lit and slow burning its way to Weds. 9 pm. at Harvard Soch Hall, 59 Shepherd st., Cambridge, MA. Please, keep your children at home, and anyone allergic to loud BOOMs! I will try to take pictures of SOCH hall before and after the devastation… with a telephoto lens, of course. What is the safe radius for nuclear explosions?