Solving for Vadim
(Beat Reporter: Mark LaRocca)
All you math junkies out there… and I know you are there… chess players are nothing, if not logical… may have noticed that my equation for the match (based on sound Quantum theory) could not be solved for Vadim… In fact, Vadim is not even in the equation… or is he? Check it out…
(VL * IW) / DVL = MCC
But, it was Vadim who won against often MCC rival NM Mika Brattain, and unfortunately, Steven lost to GM Alex Ivanov. The rest were “Easy?” draws… for a tough week one, match draw with the Nor’easters.
Carrying on with our Q-math…
VLIW / DVL = MCC
IW / D = MCC
Is it any accident that Vadim and Steven (win and loss) are not in the equation and are perfectly balanced by “Spooky action at a Distance” (SAD)… Entanglement?
Let’s take a Look at how it all began with BV = 1.
And thus, my solution to this equation has proven true. Vadim has a win and Ilya… well, lets say… Ilya was being Ilya…
So… 1. D = IW / MCC
And… 2. I = MCCD / W
Now, we know 3. DW = ½ ==> D = 1/2W ==> W = 2D
Substituting for W in step 1…
4. D = 2ID / MCC
Magically, we realize that even Denys is not involved in the match equation.
Dividing each side by D…
5. 1 = 2I / MCC ==> I = MCC / 2 Which implies…
Either of the following…
a.) Ilya has a lot of energy… or…
Since IL = ½ (draw on board 4), we can see that L is irrelevant to result 5. And therefore, I = ½ implies..
M (assumed to be Brain mass) must equal 1 / CC which implies…
b.) Ilya used a very small portion of his brain in making the following moves.
Let’s try to figure out which (a or b) is true… keeping in mind that the more we know about “ a” the less we can say about “b”… and vice versa… Heisenberg uncertainty is a bugger.
So, we started out trying to solve for Vadim and ended up finding out how much of Ilya’s brain was truly engaged when he played… 14.Bxb5??... about 1 / CC (pick your unit of measure) seems a very good estimate.
And now, on to a very, very, tough loss… Steven seemed in control for most of the game… winning at least a pawn… but, GM Ivanov will make you work. Who knew of the entangled issue with Vadim’s game… let’s take a look and see if we can figure why SVB = 0.
Oh well, when you’re talking Planck lengths and light speeds, it’s easy to miss the best move here and there. I know Steven felt bad about this loss… but, no need… his was the toughest pairing and, to my mind, he played the best game of the match.
And now on to Denys’s frustrating, teeth chattering, make you hold your breath until the wax flies out of your ears, last game to finish draw… but, we all knew that DVL meant DW = ½.
Thank you Denys… Thank you, Thank you, Thank you… Well, let’s not go overboard. It was all in the equation.
So, what did we learn from this match… and what did we prove? And most importantly, how did I solve for Vadim?
The way I see it…
1. We discovered a new particle… SVB… who knew about this interaction?
2. We found out how much of Ilya’s brain he uses in critical situations, 1 / CC iu’s (Ilya units of mass)
3. We also confirmed that the DVL interaction assures a draw… no matter how unsound you play.
4. We also know that BV = 1 (given the other entanglements)… but how?.. How did I solve this equation for Vadim?... How did I know Vadim would win?...
Answer: I asked him
Match score: Boston 2 - New England 2
See ya’all next week when we’re back to the future.. and back to macro-reality.
And don’t be afraid to drop by… there’s no radiation danger… but, you might want to take deep, even breaths… the excitement is never lacking.